Thursday, October 2, 2008
A man came round the hospital one day,
*~and he shouted; "Doc, I can't feel my legs". The Doctor replied; "I know you can't I've cut off your arms." **** *~I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.!! **** *~ A man walks into a doctor's office; "What seems to be your problem?" asks the doc. "It's...uh...well.... I have...
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Wednesday, October 1, 2008
If My Body were a Car...
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be Thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've Got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is gettinga little dull.... But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus and it's especially Hard to see things up...
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Tuesday, September 30, 2008
I tried to write a drinking song once,
*~but I couldn't get past the first bar.-;) *~So this horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says; "Why the long face?" *~A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says; "We don't serve mushrooms in here" *~The mushroom says; "Why not, I'm a fun guy" *~A three...
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Monday, September 29, 2008
MY LIVING WILL
Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.' She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine. She's such a...
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Sunday, September 28, 2008
Don't mess with us old folks!
SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo...
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Saturday, September 27, 2008
If you love something
Set it free!! If it comes back,it was and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was Never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your living room, Messes up your stuff, Uses your telephone, Takes your money and Never appears to know that You actually set it free in The first place, you...
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Wednesday, September 24, 2008
"A cardiologist died and
was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the euology, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into...
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Tuesday, September 23, 2008
More ways to be offensive at a funeral-;)
1-Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor who can't afford firewood. 2-Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them. 3-Ask the widow for money that the deceased owes you. 4-Take up a collection to pay off the deceased's gambling debt's. 5-Ask the widow if...
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Monday, September 22, 2008
Today's Funny...
Gerry and Paddy Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a...
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Sunday, September 21, 2008
Found in a Montana history book...Circa 1919
Source: e-mail from Laurie & Bob D, friends. If you were around in 1919 (just before prohibition started) and came upon the following poster...... I mean seriously, would you quit drinking?
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