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TAPS 2
That was the only way. You'll see that as this story moves along.
posted by
BigV
on November 9, 2022 at 10:40 AM
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Re: Re: TAPS
Yes it does and I will not be shocked by this as I have been around people all my life and saw many horrible things as a nurse that occurred in family conflicts and problems. I am glad that you have been and are continuing to work your way through, I assume with God's help.
posted by
TAPS.
on November 9, 2022 at 10:15 AM
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Re: TAPS
This is a story I have to write to get that part of my brain to shut up. I've had a wonderful life, but the relationship that I DIDN'T have with my mother has been a stain on that life. Everything that I will write here will be 100% true... and there are going to b some utterly horrific scenes here... but I learned in my early twenties there were reasons for her behavior... not that those reasons excused the extreme violence she dealt out, but enough that someone like me SHOULD have been able to let go of the hatred I carried for so very long that hurt only me. That was stupid of me to do. I make no excuses for my behavior... but I am trying to justify myself to myself.
Does that make sense?
Thanks!
V
posted by
BigV
on November 9, 2022 at 9:57 AM
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I haven't been around Blogit very faithfully lately but being here today, reading the title of your story shocked me into feeling I must read this because I loved my mother all the days of her life and still miss her after her death in 1992.
posted by
TAPS.
on November 9, 2022 at 9:51 AM
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V
No worries. It's all good - and your story will be great!
posted by
Sea_Gypsy
on November 8, 2022 at 7:13 PM
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Re: Re: Re: Sea Gypsy
I didn't mean that way, let's call it a bad choice of words on my part. I've looked at your suggestions and I think I changed all of them to your suggestions but one.
That's a good percentage on your part.
Long tangled explanation short, I need the type of corrections you made. It makes me better, but it makes the story better and that's the important thing.
V
posted by
BigV
on November 8, 2022 at 6:16 PM
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Re: Re: Sea Gypsy
Those were just minor housekeeping items. No crit at all.
posted by
Sea_Gypsy
on November 8, 2022 at 5:49 PM
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Re: Sea Gypsy
Thanks for your time.
I welcome any and all thoughts and input here. This a first draft, so I appreciate your tips. Lol. I tell people "You can't insult me, I have already looked into the mirror this morning."
Seriously, to be a writer, you need to be able to take criticism from friends and enemies... and you have always been a friend.
When someone points out a passage as you, you better know that I will look at it closely. Annicita has taken a few of my stories apart and made them better.
That you feel free to point these things out makes me feel good.
THANK YOU!
V
posted by
BigV
on November 8, 2022 at 4:26 PM
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I really like it! I like the length of your post a lot and I agree with FSI. The use of the past tense of "hate" is both comforting and reassuring to the reader. I love the idea of the story setting as a conversation taking place in car. Excellent.
A few thoughts. I hope you don't mind. You can use them or not. The first sentence ends with "it," a preposition. Maybe you could re-word the sentence? I don't know how publishers feel about grammar. Other things are: 1) I would change the asterisks to quote markes or else use italics. 2) "You need to know..." could be written "You should know..." or "please note that..." 3) 'The world has been an odd place to live..." could read something like "The world has become an odd place in which to live..." Again, "things I am not licensed" could read "things in which I am not licensed." But that's just me so please take no offense.
Lastly, about the disclaimer, in parts it says "the author" and in other parts it says "I." Maybe it should be consistent, but I know nothing about publishing law! :)
Should be a great story!
posted by
Sea_Gypsy
on November 8, 2022 at 4:04 PM
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Re: Kabu
I wasn't sure, so I sent my publishing group a note asking if I should include a variation on my standard disclaimer for anything beyond a fictional story. They asked me if I would be talking about matters of mental health and treatments, and my answer was yes. A day later, they advised me it would "be in my best interest to do so." It's easier to include ~325 words and be covered vs not including them, and having someone misconstrue what I said and or meant.
Wait until you see the disclaimer for the writing project that just fell into my lap the other night. If I can work it through, this will be HUGE. I've talked with my attorney and my publisher about this one before I start it.
posted by
BigV
on November 8, 2022 at 3:18 PM
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great start with this disclaimer.
posted by
Kabu
on November 8, 2022 at 1:29 PM
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FormerStudentIntern
Thank you. I appreciate the input.
posted by
BigV
on November 8, 2022 at 9:25 AM
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I like how you started off by telling us that you found out you were in the wrong. That does make the reader what caused the initial wrong perspective and what changed.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on November 8, 2022 at 9:10 AM
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