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Re: CCT,
I didn't specifically want children as much as I wanted partnership, companionship, that whole validation thing, and I wanted financial security. Funny thing, I got the three best kids anyone could want, some of the financial security, and none of the rest.
It does seem that women are generally more resilient when it comes to losing love.
"Getting on together" does seem the ultimate requirement of a simple, happy companionship.
posted by
Ciel
on June 11, 2017 at 7:02 AM
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Re: TAPS,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_y9F5St4j0
posted by
Ciel
on June 11, 2017 at 6:53 AM
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Re: RPresta,
I agree, sometimes there is a connection that transcends all the over-thought, over-felt, over-imagined expectations, where two people come face to face and simply know. However, a similare shock current is not necessarily true love, even if it comes from a true psychic bond of some kind.
posted by
Ciel
on June 11, 2017 at 6:47 AM
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Re: Kabu,
I think your experience is not unusual in having embarked on a marriage without a stronger foundation than fulfilling the romantic notions we've acquired in childhood. So many cultures have developed formulas to ensure continuation of the community/species in the most efficatious and/or congenial ways, none of which have made everyone happy every time. Young people overwhelmed with the brain chemistry of 'being in love' and in that state of adolescent rebellion against authority, and lacking life experience to sort out ideals from realities--It's amazing anyone ever gets it right!
I'm so glad that you and Wiley found each other!
posted by
Ciel
on June 11, 2017 at 6:44 AM
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Well I think basically a woman wants children. As they become older they may become more selective. Of course one cannot generalize some don't want children no way.
I may be wrong of course and if I am kick my bottom.
Some men, I woman once told me that her grown son would never marry as he still had
a photo of his first love in his wallet. Perhaps some men marry and still carry the love for their first experience into marriage, not at the start, but it is a job to live up to something
that was almost holy. Women appear to get over the same experience more easily as a rule. Of course folk of the same gender have lived happily together since forever.
Nothing to do with carnal thoughts just because they can get on together. 
posted by
C_C_T
on June 10, 2017 at 11:45 AM
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"...We form bonds over such issues and mistake the bonding for the actual love."
Often true, but love can grow from such and remain throughout life.
posted by
TAPS.
on June 9, 2017 at 3:47 PM
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Ciel
You have made some most excellent and salient points. I think sometimes when it comes right down to it, after we assess all that you have brought to light, and consider the psychological winnowing of negatives and the acknowledgement of positives regarding one person's view of a potential mate, and that person's view of the other person in the same light(s), there still remains that intangible something; that spark, as in a shock current invisible running between two people when they look at each other eye-to-eye. It's a feeling; an indefinable something, that says, 'Yes, this feels right.' Blame it on the pheromones, but sometimes for two people, whatever it is, it just is.
posted by
Sea_Gypsy
on June 9, 2017 at 2:21 PM
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we all have our own experiences, I suppose. The chances of a first marriage for me lasting forever had to be slim. I was romantically in love with the idea of walking down the Isle at a big social wedding photos in the paper and etc...my dreams stopped at the alter...OOPS. oh i did want a couple of baby boys yes ...
Wiley was so different to any one else. he is almost Mr. perfect.
posted by
Kabu
on June 9, 2017 at 1:01 PM
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