Go to Butterfly .............
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- Go to Due to the recent findings about my husband again, I am taking a poll and
Neither going, nor staying will make things right--there is too much wrong. You will have to count the cost for what you choose and not look back. It is not likely that he will ever change, nor will you. Justi has some really good suggestions, but both of you have to be willing participants to make it work.
posted by
TAPS.
on April 25, 2015 at 7:02 PM
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I agree with Annicita - you are the only one who knows your heart, what is most important to you. Make your own list of 'Pros' and 'Cons', then go from there.
posted by
adnohr
on April 25, 2015 at 4:08 AM
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Re: Butterfly
Thank you, Justi. Yes, God is a God of miracles and Forgiveness is a process through which the injured person seeks peace and not vengence. I gave up my right to vengence and have sought God more than ever and he too, accepted the Lord many years ago, but has reverted back to many of the old ways and habits; including contacting another woman as which I am thinking he has done again, now. Time will tell. I know it takes both parties to fully commit to a loving and open relationship after adultery; but from the start of our marriage 45 years ago, there have been many deceptions and I just closed my eyes and tried to be strong for my kids' sake. They are grown now and I don't think from all that has gone on over the past 8 years, can I really ever trust and have a marriage that's trust worthy and whole from him. He told me once I would never be able to change him and I know how true that is. So I have worked on myself instead. I joined the gym, took medication for my depression and got involved again with our church. Only God is the one who can change his heart but he must be willing, and I don't think he has yet to come to that point in his life. He is a pathological liar from my past experiences. I suggested counseling, which he refused. He kept telling me we could work this out on our "own". He has refused to take responsibility for his part in our marriage. And yes, I have accepted my responsibility and he watched me suffer for about 5 years in silence until I finally took my life back. I suggested reading the bible together which we did for a while in the beginning, but he let the world back into his life. Now I read by my self in the quiet of the evening or early morning.
Thanks again and yes, I believe in prayer. That has been my only support.
posted by
Butterfly-1950
on April 24, 2015 at 2:17 PM
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Butterfly
First I noticed you say you tried to forgive him. You must totally forgive him. Forgivness is not about the person who did the bad thing but about the one who was hurt. You will not have peace nor can you love him as you should living with him without peace and forgiveness.
Let him know how much he has hurt you, but it is not about making you angry but hurt. Does he want to be married to you, flat out ask him. Ask him what it is about the marriage that makes him degrade himself and you so greatly. You asked for prayer so you may be saying you are a Christian, is he?
Praying together will do a lot. You were once in love, can you be again. Can you put it aside and not have the hurt he has done you come to the table to have meals with you two. If you forgive him you must put it away. You can be more in love than you wever were if you forgive him and he forgives you of whatever it is he is running from you about and both seek God. I have seen this work over and over so many times. God is a God of miracles.
posted by
Justi
on April 24, 2015 at 1:26 PM
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Re:
That's something to think about if a little place can be found. Thanks for always encouraging me.
posted by
Butterfly-1950
on April 24, 2015 at 12:35 PM
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Remember we are here but once. I was 63 when I came here. left Australia and made my life with Wiley...No regrets at all.
How about having it all. Get yourself a dear little apartment. Fill it with your most favorite treasures and go there when you need time and space.
posted by
Kabu
on April 24, 2015 at 11:25 AM
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Re:
Thank you. Good advice to consider:)
posted by
Butterfly-1950
on April 24, 2015 at 4:49 AM
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That's a decision only you can make. It sounds like you have grown accustomed but not happy with the cheating.
So what if you are 65? People have started over older than that...follow your heart...be happy....live life to the fullest!
posted by
Annicita
on April 23, 2015 at 8:53 PM
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