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FSI
I think Kabu has it right. The child is crying out for boundaries to be set. I can testify to what happens when you ignore the cries.
posted by
dancin_grandma
on September 6, 2010 at 5:00 AM
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Seriously thoughtless, at its best. And no one's doing her any favors by not slapping down the might arm of the law. My niece was caught drinking recently, and my sister and her husband reported her to the police, where she received a nice ticket for underage drinking. There's some tough love for you. But effective, no less. Sometimes we have to suffer the embarrassment of knowing our kid's going through a rotten phase, and not worry too much about pride and reputation. Sparing the figurative rod is not a favor. You're watching this kid get away with offense after offense...that would be hard to take.
posted by
Darson
on September 3, 2010 at 3:00 PM
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Re: FSI
I believe that you assessment is spot on.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on August 31, 2010 at 8:12 PM
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FSI
From everything you say it is obvious this problem is of long standing and has its origins in badly flawed parenting. And if that's the case, I am convinced the Juvenile Court appearance will
not have the desired effect. My prognosis is that things will get a lot worse before they get better - but of course I hope I am wrong...
posted by
Nautikos
on August 30, 2010 at 5:37 PM
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She is an angry confused half child half adult
and no one is giving her the boundaries that she is begging for. All this anger and disrespect and breaking curfew is because Mother doesn't set rules and keep them. She needs at least another 12-18 months of rules that must be obeyed or she loses priveleges sensible priveleges that actually hurt. Amanda is lost and confused without some genuine rules and she is crying inside for the need. She really doesn't believe that any one cares enough about her to create some real rules........I know this will work, I had to do it with my own kid when he was sixteen and we then got on just so well.
posted by
Kabu
on August 29, 2010 at 1:13 PM
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FSI
Grounded at home for a month with NO allowance would have been more of a punishment and I had 6 daughters.
posted by
WileyJohn
on August 29, 2010 at 1:08 PM
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Re: Straightforward
I've inferred that the reason she asked her mother to get the towel was because that she knew that my aunt would not have approved of her hanging out with her boyfriend during such a late hour. As a result of wanting to see him so badly she came up with asking for a favor that from the way their habits and house is designed enabled my cousin to be alone just long enough to slip away.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on August 29, 2010 at 9:57 AM
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sam
è How do you reinforce delayed gratification in teenagers? Certainly she needs to see dates starched out without interrupting the space time continuum! And that goes for all her activities. Again the delayed phone decision by your parents delayed your own response to her issue. BC-A, Bill’s RLLst
posted by
BC-A
on August 29, 2010 at 7:51 AM
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My daughter was a handful at 16, but she never ran away; probably the only thing she didn't do! I can't help but wonder if the boyfriend is a negative influence! Some teenagers are just snotty to their parents and when they get a little more mature they resolve the silly teenage spats and misunderstandings and real relationships develop! I hope Amanda gets enough punishment to scare her but not scar her, running away can have dire consequences and she needs to think twice before she leaps! I can only imagine how fitful this had to be for your relatives! Ah, youth, they have so much to learn! sam
posted by
sam444
on August 29, 2010 at 7:03 AM
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Sixteen is a difficult age, both for the child and for the parents. It is a time of wanting independence for the youth, and of giving up control for the parents. It is a fine balance to make it work and depends on many variables of the whole life relationships. I pray it works out well for Amanda.
posted by
TAPS.
on August 29, 2010 at 6:37 AM
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Sorry I meant why did she have to ask her mother....
posted by
Straightforward
on August 29, 2010 at 6:29 AM
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But why did she have to ask her aunt to get a towel and then wander away,
you mean the gates in her house I locked. In that case, if i were in her place, i'd run away too just to make the point.
posted by
Straightforward
on August 29, 2010 at 6:27 AM
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