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very well put together
cute and true :(
posted by
Tzippy
on September 12, 2009 at 6:41 AM
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Great awareness! You have a fine depiction of the vicious circle some folks find themselves! sam
posted by
sam444
on September 10, 2009 at 9:00 PM
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With this sad news I support the campaign love. BC-A, Bill’s RJJst
posted by
BC-A
on September 10, 2009 at 7:58 PM
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With this sad news I support the campaign love. BC-A, Bill’s RJJst
posted by
BC-A
on September 10, 2009 at 7:56 PM
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Ummm...I understood what you were trying to say here, but the way you went about it just seemed like you were dropping random verbiage to fill gaps. It has a confused feeling and the repetitive lines seemed unnecessary and overly inflated your piece. Good idea and I did like how the second stanza started out, but the rest just deterred from what good lines there were throughout your poem. Don't sweat it though, I'm sure you have more up your sleeve and practice always makes perfect!
posted by
Ryan_Morrow
on September 10, 2009 at 7:03 PM
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