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My stepchildren are 22 and 24.

I have been in a relationship for nine years. I had know him sense we were teenagers. There was an attraction for 20 years, After he got a divorce he came looking for me. It had been almost a year sense I had dated, and I was fine with that. However, I always felt like we are supposed to be together. Anyway. We started dating, and we were very happy. Though he had his kids at home, They were 23, 13, 15. That was okay with me. Because I knew that our family would not be the "Brady Bunch" I had four kids at home, and by the time his got out of the house when they were 18, it would work out for the best. I have two children that are Mentally Impaired . I was blessed to even find a man to consider building a life with me. I thought we could at least eat dinner together sometimes. Not Yet!   They did not except me at all. They scratched my van , weekly, they put salt in the coffee creamer. locked me out of the house. Put stickers of witches on my mirrows sugar in my gas tank, that is on the days they didn't still my gas. They told someone they  cleaned thier butts with my tooth brush. uirenated on my fan every weekend . Kicked down the bedroom door while we were sleeping.They are lovely children. I only went to his house on Sat. It is hard to to tell what would have happened if I moved in. Because he was waiting on them to get out of high school before they got jobs. The aged out. They finnished 42 and 44, in thier class of 44. and they had been there three extra years!. They are finally working, The 24 year old stocks groseury. makes enough to buy his pot. and the other one has been working about a month. but hunting season is coming up. He might quit until summer. My child that has Down Syndrome is more motavated than they are. That is what upsets me. When you see your children strugle everyday to do just the smallest things. Than you have the ablebodies that don't want to anything. He lost his daughter in a car accedent when she was 23 and I thought that is why he babies them , But everyone that lived around him said What do you think she was 23 and didn't do anything either. Thats not it. He thinks he is helping them by giving them everything and never punnishing them for thier behavior. He crippled them.. And I am a 47 year old girlfriend.

  

posted by mylifeofpain on October 25, 2009 at 7:35 PM | link to this | reply

Re: sam444
     Thanks Sam, I cherish your advice and I'm working hard to turn this relationship around.

posted by Niobi on April 14, 2009 at 10:00 AM | link to this | reply

Re: The answer...
     Thanks for your advice, and please continue to keep me in your prayers.  We are encouraging her to find another job to help pay off her tuition bill. Yet, I feel school is not of her interest at this point in time.  I will continue to pray for this family unit, believe me it is the only thing that gets me through the day.  Thanks again.

posted by Niobi on April 14, 2009 at 9:54 AM | link to this | reply

The answer...
Pray, Pray, and Pray some more. The Bible says to "Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they're old, they'll not depart from it". I wouldn't try to put the girl out of the house just yet. It could cause resentment between you, not to mention, she could really mess up her life if she chooses to go "hog-wild" and be rebellious out from under the protection of you and your husband. Just something to think about.

posted by onwingsoflove on April 9, 2009 at 9:43 AM | link to this | reply

I have found with my own children that they need me more as they make the transition into adulthood!  The responsibilities can be overwhelming with money management being a difficult task! I know the feeling inside but all that you can do to help her will reap great benefits in the long run! She needs to consider becoming more nurturing to the young ones so they get the same opportunity as she has been given! If she could be directed to understanding in this manner she would reap great rewards of understanding as well! I still help mine with decision making and she is 22! I wish you well! I would add that it is difficult for a 19 year old to strike out on their own in this day and age! Just my humble thoughts!  sam

posted by sam444 on April 9, 2009 at 8:43 AM | link to this | reply

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