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We exchanged the kids at a gas staion for ten years until I got custody...
...and we still do occasionally, when they visit their mother. I got three weekends a month.....I wouldn't settle for less! Four days a month, is not enough time for kids to spend with their father...unless he's a jerk! Then, all bets are off! Good luck!
posted by
metalrat
on March 19, 2008 at 7:46 PM
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You should meet
At the counselors office for sessions not drive there together for this is not fair to anyone. I always met my ex at a public designated area like a grocery store parking lot, or a local park or church and exchanged the children...for it would have been too easy for my soon to be ex to riddle me with promises of everything I ever wanted and needed from him for 20 years but he was unable to deliver UNTIL time was up and I wanted no more. Public meeting places are the best for picking up and dropping off the children, this way everything is on the up and up and no chance for bickering or pleading outside the counseling office.
posted by
SEEDLINGS
on March 19, 2008 at 4:08 PM
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Re: My experience may not be the best,
Goooosh, I really should re-read my rambling before posting it :)
posted by
hagi
on March 19, 2008 at 2:01 PM
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My experience may not be the best,
but the general idea about visiting is like this:
as long as you care about your ex (no matter whether it's "I hate you", "I love you", or "we can be friends), he'll care about your children. When he sees (and has deep gut feeling) that you don't care for him anymore - don't feel neither pity nor anger, anything - the visiting is very likely to become a burden, except if he's an exceptionally good father.
In the latter case, it would be good if the hard feelings connected with visiting time were reduced to minimum. The kids shouldn't be involved in your personal fights no matter how ugly they get - and if he's a good father he'll respect this rule.
In the first case (which in the beginning is hard to tell from the latter) it really doesn't matter how you strike the deal because he'll use it to manipulate you anyway. There's no point in fighting over this, in fact. So just don't let it too deep into your heart and remember that nothing - even a really, really bad ex-wife :) - could mess with father-children relationship if the father truly cares for the children.
The hardest thing for me was to understand and accept the fact that once loving and caring father somehow turned out to be a jerk who wouldn't even care to answer to his kid's Christmas e-mail. But well, I guess that's what I get for marrying a better man.
Take care. This all will pass, eventually, and you'll become stronger in the process.
posted by
hagi
on March 19, 2008 at 1:51 PM
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Re: how old are the kids?
thanks! You have made some really good suggestions!
posted by
flappergirl
on March 19, 2008 at 9:33 AM
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how old are the kids?
ask the kids what they want in the way of visitation, thats the best thing, as for the hubby "working" you, put some cotton in your ears before you get in the car, drowning his snide comments out tell him right off of the bat u do not wish to discuss this whole thing except in the presence of a the counselor, and put on some headphones etc, he might be so mad by time he gets to counseling that he will lose it there, and work it there, that type of thing, or he will say oh she wouldn't even talk to me on the way here, and u can say, no thats not what i said, i said, " i would rather discuss this in front of the counselor, that way, a third opinion might help us solve the issue, if you have a tape recorder, put it under your side with a blank tape, then when he gets out, you can always grab it and have it ready for the counselor to listen to, just stick it in your purse or pocket, its called the cub method, covering your butt
posted by
jesse_jean
on March 19, 2008 at 7:58 AM
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