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haqi, thanks for this
I like the part where you say you don't need a witness to your life but wouldn't mind being one to someone else's. However, part of seeing yourself as a loner is refusing to connect to a world outside of yourself, often for fear of rejection. I too like to spend time with myself. But I definitely know that if I didn't have a circle of family and friends, I would find it hard to survive.
posted by
Greenfields
on December 29, 2007 at 2:22 AM
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Ukie
it is about making a connection, but that by itself does not suffice I think. Keeping the connection takes work and that is what most people find hard to do. One can be single minded and autonomous in a relationship, but at some point they have t converge. This then becomes the challenge.
posted by
Greenfields
on December 29, 2007 at 2:10 AM
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Oh. This strikes me as being true in very deep level. I myself have had (and probably still have) trouble committing myself to relationship - although I rarely used to be single (and, well, I enjoyed these times a lot), I never truly gave myself over to relationship, I did and still do see myself as a loner. Slowly, very slowly I begin to appreciate this strange "seeing myself as a part of couple" thing, and, although I don't feel I need a witness to my life, I am happy to be a witness to life of my beloved.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it meant much to me.
posted by
hagi
on December 27, 2007 at 11:41 AM
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Greenfields...
Well said! What you said about what being single does to people, really hit the nail on the head.I think being single really isn't about being married, but it is a state of mind! Many marraiges, for instance have two individuals that are singleminded and just as autonomus as any unmarried person.
Love really is about making a connection, huh?
posted by
QuailNest
on December 27, 2007 at 11:31 AM
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TAPS.
Yes! Actually what I say is that we have degrees in anything form raising animals to getting to the moon. But very little on the emotional part of our lives, not to mention relationships, parenting, etc. We kind of muddle along - getting it wrong, and sometimes right. When we can't learn or don't want to try then choosing another path is the best, unless we just repeat the pattern - which often we tend to do.
posted by
Greenfields
on December 26, 2007 at 7:40 PM
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Ann Onimous
Yes, I have found that too. We need similar and diverse interests that bring out the best in us. Very often I think we enter into relationship without knowing what we want. In hypnotherapy we do an exercise where we to draw a mental picture of the 'desire partner' and work on that. In some ways, the articulation is a beginning.
posted by
Greenfields
on December 26, 2007 at 7:35 PM
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Greenfields
Lot of good thoughts in this post. Too bad that we don't enter a meaningful relationship with all the skills intact and working well, but we have to learn as we go along how to be good partners. Some are not willing to learn or to even try. But, it is so worth the effort.
posted by
TAPS.
on December 26, 2007 at 8:45 AM
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Relationships are complex issues
I think a good relationship begins with allowing each other space without losing mutual respect and trust even if interests diverge as they often do in any long-term relationship.
posted by
Ann_Onimous
on December 26, 2007 at 7:52 AM
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richinstore
Merry Christmas to you too.
posted by
Greenfields
on December 26, 2007 at 7:38 AM
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Justi, thank you.
Blessings to you too.
posted by
Greenfields
on December 26, 2007 at 7:37 AM
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Thank you Afzal
posted by
Greenfields
on December 26, 2007 at 7:36 AM
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Greenfields
Merry Christmas
posted by
richinstore
on December 25, 2007 at 10:07 PM
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Greenfields
This is an excellent post. I think where you said you understood now that a relationship needed the giving of self rather than continuing the rules of the single life is a key to good relationships, I believe. This has lots of good points in it. Be blessed.
posted by
Justi
on December 25, 2007 at 8:33 PM
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Excellent post !
posted by
afzal50
on December 25, 2007 at 7:36 PM
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