Go to my lifes journey on the relation-ship
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Re: callista
i liked the part about not seeing our efforst pay off, you are so right, just seeds to be planted, and i love planting seeds.
posted by
callista22001
on October 4, 2007 at 8:45 AM
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Re: When do I stop trying to help?
yes, you were right about trying to be a healer,sometimes people dont want to be cured.
posted by
callista22001
on October 4, 2007 at 8:44 AM
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Re: thank you for this reply,
it gave me an answer and i will follow the advice.
posted by
callista22001
on October 4, 2007 at 8:42 AM
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When do I stop trying to help?
When it sinks in that someone doesn't want and isn't asking for the kind of help I can offer.
The hardest thing for a healer is to wait for an invitation, though. That is harder for some of us, than to stop offering healing when it is not wanted or valued.
posted by
Ciel
on October 4, 2007 at 8:32 AM
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Hello, there. I agree. You have a good heart. Having been in a position to be a counselor for many years, I can tell you that there are many reasons why people cannot hear what you are saying. The most important thing (if it's a friend) is to be there for them - to listen, to comfort, to love. Eventually they will be ready to hear - or not. Some people, for their own reasons, choose to stay in their pain.
I have a caution for you with this. Do not become an enabler. If it becomes apparent that this person just wants to wallow, let go of it. Do not continue to go there. That is delaying the recovery process. For many, it is easier to use crutches than stand on one's own two feet when one has been injured. We have to get through the pain to the other side. Professional help sometimes is indicated.
If a subject is revisited too many times, the person will just tune you out anyway and not hear anything. My rule of thumb is to sit a person down for a discussion one time. I let them know I am there, I am willing to listen, I am willing to help, I love them and want the best for them and leave the decision to them whether or not to move on. They'll come back to me if they are serious about change or they will seek the help they need elsewhere. This may sound callous and uncaring but believe me it causes me pain to watch those I care about make the choices they sometimes do. I have no right to interfere in the life of another person. I am not qualified to live another person's life for them, I have enough of a struggle living my own in a good way. God bless them.
I leave it in the hands of the Creator (or the God of my understanding). Some people just have to walk the path they have chosen for good or ill. Let them/the situation go - with love. Trust that what is meant to happen will. Whether we approve or not!
Wow, where did all that come from? Some people sure are presumptuous, eh? LOL
posted by
AmMused
on October 4, 2007 at 7:58 AM
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callista
Sometimes you become numb from all the pain. Even if you have been through it, the person you are trying to help does not want to hear what you have to say. Seldom do we see that our efforts have paid off because they are generally seen somewhere down the line. You have a good heart, don't stop!!
posted by
Tattered_Knight
on October 3, 2007 at 9:48 PM
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Re: thanks , you answered my question, never
but you do become a bit calloused
posted by
callista22001
on October 2, 2007 at 7:30 AM
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....a most difficult call indeed.....i always err on the side of trying too long.....i keep thinking of how many chances i was given.......and how god never stops offering us another chance......never......but on the human level......a most difficult call indeed..........moon 
posted by
magic_moon
on October 1, 2007 at 9:15 PM
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callista
posted by
richinstore
on October 1, 2007 at 6:41 PM
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