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afzal
thank you, I'm glad you thought so.
posted by
mneme
on August 19, 2007 at 5:27 PM
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Muser
Thank you for your kind words. You were right about one thing - it did hurt me enormously when he realised he had lost me. He refused to accept it, though, and dismayed me with his extremes, confusing me absolutely. My next post is a bit about that. I had no idea he would even care that I wanted to go - he was always the one bringing up the D-word in arguments, and believe me there were always plenty of those. There wouldn't have been arguments if I had just never disagreed, never tried to get him to see my point of view instead of always being expected to accept his. He would counter nearly every point I made with "that's because...," so if he wasn't rationalising himself he was explaining me to myself. He's still doing it. And didn't I give him a cast-iron excuse to play up his hurt and to overrule mine... far away from any family support. I don't like the analogies that have been emerging out of therapy, he isn't always awful, though he is very controlling, which he of course denies. I just wish he would go away.
posted by
mneme
on August 19, 2007 at 1:58 PM
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I know what you mean, mneme
Grumpy grows on a person when fed that special diet.
posted by
TAPS.
on August 19, 2007 at 5:11 AM
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Taps
Thank you :) I'm not hurting as much as I was .. two and a half years of therapy can do that for you. I sometimes think we could have our own blogit "Grumpy Old Women" club LOL. Most of the time I'm pretty cheerful; it's just the interaction with my husband that gets me this way.
posted by
mneme
on August 19, 2007 at 4:52 AM
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Azur
All I know is, I need to be out of this situation. I could just throw in the towel, let him have his comfortable life. I don't know why I won't, or don't want to. It's probably enough to know that I don't want to. You don't mind putting yourself on hold if people occasionally show you they appreciate it.
posted by
mneme
on August 19, 2007 at 4:48 AM
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Proc, thank you.
It's uncanny, you use the exact expression someone else did, over fifteen years ago when we had been here for a couple of years. It's one thing to move countries when your company is paying, and when it's temporary. Quite another to risk everything you've worked for without seeing the place you are coming to. His idea to do it that way, not mine. And here we are. The irony is, all the while I kept quiet, no one yelled at me for disrupting their comfort zones.
posted by
mneme
on August 19, 2007 at 4:45 AM
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Mneme
The path seems so bumpy right now. Do you think you need the few months at home to sort out what you want? Or is this drawing it out? I don't know, just thinking aloud by one who procrastinates too.
posted by
Azur
on August 18, 2007 at 7:36 PM
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I like your style of writing. will be back for more. it sounds like
you are between a rock and a hard place. So lady,you are fully entitled to your grumble. At least it releases some of the pressure.
posted by
proc
on August 18, 2007 at 1:20 PM
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mneme
What a cute title that would be for a blog, "The Weekly Grumble". LOL
I know though that you did not intend for that to be funny and that you are hurting. Muser is a real sweetie and has some intuitiveness into your situation.
posted by
TAPS.
on August 18, 2007 at 10:56 AM
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Your words have been so encouraging, so stay strong
I already know you will though. You know the true feelings inside of you won't die.
posted by
Discombobulated78
on August 18, 2007 at 7:27 AM
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Interesting read !
posted by
afzal50
on August 18, 2007 at 7:26 AM
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mneme, I am so very glad to see you back! As so many times before, I could
"feel" what you are describing here...your posts can catapult me back to a time long ago that I rarely visit. It seems to me that you are in a state of detaching yourself from him...I think your love has died or is in the last stages of death, and I predict there is only one decision you can make...I don't think you want to live without love... So many memories you bring back to me of a sad time, a hard time. It will hurt you to the "quick" when he realizes he has lost you , because I'm afraid by the time he figures out what has happened , your feelings for him will be too far gone... too little too late is a sad, sad time. You are in my heart and prayers.
posted by
muser
on August 18, 2007 at 6:56 AM
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