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Julia, I don't have a clue what to say to you about this post.
Julia, I don't have a clue what to say to you about this post. I know that it has to bother you so much; I know that it would me, but I think the brother has to take much of the blame. I also think the Dad has to bear some of the responsibility for the brothers actions. It sounds to me as if he just didn't get what being a dad was all about and didn't get close to any of you all.
I hope that somehow and somewhere in this life you come up with some answers, but I really doubt that you will concerning this.
Damon
posted by
Damond
on July 6, 2007 at 7:30 AM
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factor--
I will check it out, thanks.
posted by
Julia.
on June 20, 2007 at 8:51 AM
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Julia
Have you read the book, The Sociopath Next Door, by Dr. Martha Stout? (I think- from memory) If not, you should. It might shed some light. It was very eyeopening for me.
posted by
FactorFiction
on June 20, 2007 at 6:34 AM
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rainydayinmay--
well, half of those were mine. Still, that's not too bad a "haul" I guess. LOL.
posted by
Julia.
on June 19, 2007 at 12:29 PM
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Re: rainydayinmay
awe... thats sweet! Seeing 46 comments on one post surely couldn't help either! :)
posted by
rainydayinmay
on June 19, 2007 at 11:40 AM
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whacky and Bo--
thank you!
posted by
Julia.
on June 19, 2007 at 10:33 AM
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rainydayinmay
your comment made my day, thanks!
posted by
Julia.
on June 19, 2007 at 10:32 AM
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Some roses
from me & a smile
and Woof! From =^..^= Bo!
posted by
Whacky
on June 18, 2007 at 10:01 PM
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I recently came black to blogger. life's been nuts, I had no idea what my nickname was 2 years ago. Anyway, here I am, sad that a lot of great people left... and as i am mopily reading blogs, there this one is. And I remembered your story. So I checked your nickname and you are Quirky! I totally remember you, and now I am filled with Joy.
Ironically, I have wondered how you have been... And reading this post seemed to answer that question! Hang in there. June is more than halfway over...
posted by
rainydayinmay
on June 18, 2007 at 5:43 PM
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rcky--
I'm sure it is, for all of this family.
posted by
Julia.
on June 18, 2007 at 2:27 PM
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avant--
It's even worse when they don't think there is anything wrong with treating them that way! My father might be in denial, or just doesn't care, i can't say for sure.
posted by
Julia.
on June 18, 2007 at 2:26 PM
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strat,
well, don't feel too bad, I don't know anything either. ;-)
posted by
Julia.
on June 18, 2007 at 2:24 PM
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sweet kabu--
I appreciate that (and you) very much.
posted by
Julia.
on June 18, 2007 at 2:23 PM
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enigmatic,
thanks very much
posted by
Julia.
on June 18, 2007 at 2:22 PM
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straightforward
that is true; many times I think there are multiple cause-effect issues happening simultaneously, so to isolate one is impossible.
posted by
Julia.
on June 18, 2007 at 2:21 PM
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Good Morning Julia......did you ever consider that it may be past life
related? I wonder about things like this if karma is being created or completed.
posted by
RckyMtnActivist
on June 18, 2007 at 8:15 AM
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Julia
It's horrible to hear of parents treating their children this way. And, yes, it does have much to do with the behavior later on. We all have far to go.
posted by
avant-garde
on June 18, 2007 at 3:41 AM
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I can't imagine what that would be like.
All I know is that...aw hell, I don't know anything. Take care.
posted by
strat
on June 17, 2007 at 7:59 PM
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Julia I'm sending you a hug because words can't possibly say it.
&
posted by
Kabu
on June 17, 2007 at 7:51 PM
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Julia
So sad - my heart and thoughts are with you. 
posted by
Enigmatic68
on June 17, 2007 at 3:13 PM
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it's so difficult to simply draw a effect-cause on everything a person does
considering that there are so many factors that intervene in determining what our life turns out to be
posted by
Straightforward
on June 17, 2007 at 9:18 AM
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Ariala--
I have achieved "measures" of closure over the years and particularly the last few...but you're right, it's not something that one can ever truly, completely close the book on.
posted by
Julia.
on June 17, 2007 at 9:14 AM
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Pat B--
yes, that's for sure. thanks very much for your nice comment.
posted by
Julia.
on June 17, 2007 at 9:12 AM
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thanks OTA,
I appreciate that very much!
posted by
Julia.
on June 17, 2007 at 9:11 AM
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circuit--
one can always hope...
posted by
Julia.
on June 17, 2007 at 9:10 AM
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rae--
thank you, my forever rat friend. And isn't it just as telling that the others don't appear to question or seek answers but prefer to pretend it never happened?
posted by
Julia.
on June 17, 2007 at 9:10 AM
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lustor--
My mom is the only one who talks about it with me, so I have no clue what any of the others think. They like to pretend it never happened. Thanks for reading.
posted by
Julia.
on June 17, 2007 at 9:08 AM
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Julia, my speculation is that your brother was very hurt, felt isolated and
unconnected and during his worst emotional downward spirals, he acted out. I know it will always be something difficult for you to come to grips with what happened because there's no closure or truly understanding it.
posted by
Ariala
on June 17, 2007 at 9:03 AM
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I'm so sorry about your brother's misery. And the ripple effect that
it had on the lives of others, including yours. I hope you'll find a calm place in your heart where you can settle and rest. One good thing came from this history: you've learned the importance of treating others with loving kindness.
posted by
Pat_B
on June 17, 2007 at 5:29 AM
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Julia, I have read this post twice and and am trying to decide what to say. The pain of all those unanswered questions is palpable in your writing. I can only say that I wish you Peace .. however it is brought to you.. peace from this torment. You are a beautiful soul and I pray for peace to rest deeply inside you.
posted by
Blue_feathers
on June 17, 2007 at 5:11 AM
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Thanks for sharing. It is very tough to come to terms with lashes of time. But you will.
posted by
circuit
on June 16, 2007 at 5:16 PM
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So very sorry for your pain, Julia
A confluence of circumstances searing into tragedies of unimagined depth....questions hold their own meaning and season, imo. The fact that you and your dear mother yearn for and seek understanding reveals much about the character of your spirits. I believe answers do matter, though they don't always find us on time mortal and clocking. May you both find measures of peace increasing and enlightening.
posted by
Katray2
on June 16, 2007 at 4:17 PM
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coment
wow that is touching story and it must be hard for all of your family members to face the real answer, but its not anyones fault it was the mental state of your brother who was not strong enough to realize the realities of life
posted by
Lanetay
on June 16, 2007 at 3:42 PM
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TAPS--
how very true--MANY things are beyond human comprehension, actually. It will probably make a lot more sense when I am in spirit. Thanks for the lovely comment.
posted by
Julia.
on June 16, 2007 at 3:30 PM
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Mr. Hydropole--
(or maybe I should just call you "pole.") At any rate, typing your name makes me smile, so thanks for that!
posted by
Julia.
on June 16, 2007 at 3:28 PM
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Foliage--
I never really get used to it, per se, but it has gotten easier over the years. thanks for reading.
posted by
Julia.
on June 16, 2007 at 3:26 PM
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Jemmie--
thanks! I hope that "big bird" is flying something to me as we speak.
posted by
Julia.
on June 16, 2007 at 3:23 PM
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Julia
Some things, in this life, are beyond our understanding and the "Why?" never goes away. Wishing you peace in the remaining days of this June. And when July comes, set the pain as far away from you as you can for another year, remembering only what you loved about your brother.
posted by
TAPS.
on June 16, 2007 at 2:36 PM
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Julia
I am sorry for your mental pain my friend.
posted by
WileyJohn
on June 16, 2007 at 2:04 PM
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Julia
So sorry. This must be extremely difficult to live with.
posted by
FoliageGold
on June 16, 2007 at 1:48 PM
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Julia
*big hugs*
posted by
Jemmie211
on June 16, 2007 at 9:25 AM
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Holy Grail--
yes I think it's natural to want to know why. How many times have you watched the news or read a story about a crime, and the victims or family say, "I just want to know why..." In far too many cases there is no answer forthcoming, but it doesn't stop one from wondering, or wishing they knew.
posted by
Julia.
on June 16, 2007 at 9:19 AM
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hi riri--
how are all your wonderful kitties this mornin'?
posted by
Julia.
on June 16, 2007 at 9:17 AM
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It's maddening asking yourself questions that can never fully be answered. Is it nature? Nurture? One specific incident? Cumulative emotional abuse or neglect? Was he just "born bad" and the demon eventually took hold? It doesn't do any good to beat yourself up with questions, but any of us would surely spend a lifetime asking them if we were in your shoes. I'm so sorry about what your family has gone through.
posted by
Holy_Grail
on June 16, 2007 at 9:15 AM
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posted by
riri0322
on June 16, 2007 at 9:11 AM
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afzal--
I don't think I said I blamed him wholly, but yes, I do think that my father's actions played
some part in the choices my brother made. And I was not
nearly so emotionally tortured as my brother was...
posted by
Julia.
on June 16, 2007 at 9:05 AM
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circuit, thanks for stopping by.
posted by
Julia.
on June 16, 2007 at 9:02 AM
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LLM--
ah, don't cry, I am okay. June is a hard month for me, though. It's also my brother's birthday month.
posted by
Julia.
on June 16, 2007 at 9:01 AM
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I am feeling upset and wondering how far a father can be responsible
for the crime of his son . I don't think your father is responsible it is the weakness of your brother which needs to be corrected who found no way to express his anger but to kill innocent people . God bless him . How many people have you murdered for being emotionally tortured by your father as you say . Please don't blame others for your own mistakes and failures . Take Care .
posted by
afzal50
on June 16, 2007 at 9:01 AM
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posted by
circuit
on June 16, 2007 at 8:58 AM
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Sweet Julia....
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on June 16, 2007 at 8:54 AM
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