Go to I Like the Long ForePlay
- Add a comment
- Go to Love Affairs
LadyCee
Saw that proc had dropped in and left you a comment, so I came in here to read. Oh boy. I hardly know where to begin. I'm not a judgmental woman, so please don't take anything personal about what I'm going to say. While married to my second husband, a lot happened and I realized that I was very unhappy. I thought about having an affair and there were opportunities, but I couldn't do it. For many reasons. Instead, I left my husband to find myself and I have. It's been a painful experience, but the end result of joy, the actual meeting of myself is second to none.
I read your questions about your ex-lover and you know what? Truly, I don't like being negative in any way, but he probably doesn't. Probably doesn't think anything. It hurts, I know as I've just lived through the end of an explosive, love affair, one in which I'm truly grateful to just be alive. You can, if you like, read about it today in my blog. The one where proc me left a heart-rendering comment. I know the fellow I was with has moved on and I'm just one of the many women in his tractor-trailer truck load....
Smile and remember the good. That's what I'm trying to do. --Joy!Mary 
posted by
FoliageGold
on April 3, 2007 at 7:02 PM
| link to this | reply
LadyCeeMaree,when you have time read my comment on FoliageGold's
latest piece on grief's timetable.No one can tell you to get over something until your heart is ready.
posted by
proc
on April 3, 2007 at 6:13 PM
| link to this | reply
proc-
I so do appreciate your personal and insightful response. I thank you for reading and understanding. My two sisters were furious with me; they had both been through traumatic divorce in which their husbands just stated I don't love you anymore. There was always another woman. And their marriages were over.
In my case, the wife said "What's wrong with you?" and that seemed to push a wake-up button. She also said she thought they could work it out and agreed to counseling, (so did we, but we weren't as traumatized.)
Jay had suspected there was something 30 years ago when we were all in college and he had told me he didn't like my talking to Mike. He'd say toour adult daughter, "Your mother is talking to her "boyfriend" again......."
I was a deep dark secret in his house, whereas it was very open that I was in touch with him by email and phone. My falling in love was pointed out by my daughter. She sensed it and said, "You've fallen in love with him haven't you? Have you told dad?"
I hemmed and hawwed, but finally admitted that I did have feelings for Mike and no, I hadn't told Dad. I think when Mike and I met for the second time, I had picked out a special summer dress and she slyly said, "Are you buying this dress to see Mike?" I laughed it off and said impossible, he's 1800 miles away.
Anyway, their counselor AND his wife were adamant that a no contact clause be followed to the letter. I balked at that and never did agree. He finally demanded it! And for that reason, he now thinks of my few times to attempt to contact him as disgusting; he's 'opened his eyes and sees no delusions' unlike me who hasn't and is living in some make-believe land. Yeah, he told me in so many words the only way to get me to stop trying to make contact was to be brutally harsh and that he was to me. And it felt authentic, like he really meant every mean thing he could say, including "Go Away, Leave Me Alone, further contact from you will not be welcomed, you are a stalker, you need professional mental help,,,,,,,,"
I sat there slack jawed when I read his last ever e-mail last October, a year after it was over. Who was this man, anyway? He had entered therapy for ADD and this is what came out of it? Shame for the secrecy he took in his part of the affair, (I was relegated to anything he considered furtive behavior.)
And yet, knowing his feelings NOW, I still think of him and weep. What a fool I was and still am! I weep for what was and is no more and by his last missive, will never be again. I should stop right now, take a shower and wash my face and try to make it through another day knowing that such Joy is now a memory, one I wish was shared but is trashed on his side. I DO love my husband with a ferocity and I hope I get some understanding of how I could have hurt him, although there WAS his side of it, too.
Yes, I wondered if Mike or one of his family might have put up that nasty site. Mike was heavily into porn while his wife wouldn't sleep with him for five years. Him I did suspect because he would have the means and knowledge of how and where to post it. (He works upper management for a computer networking company in San Jose, the Silicon Valley, and could have any one of his underlings rig up something for him. Makes me wonder if he'd go so far, especially if he had somehow put a tracker on me, which while illegal, does exist .........) It does make life's mysteries interesting!
Thank for reading and letting me unburden my soul.
LadyCeeMarie
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on April 3, 2007 at 6:43 AM
| link to this | reply
I wrote a post on my fathers infidelity and I really struggle with the
concept of married people cheating on each other.I suppose that being traumatised as a child with regards to infidelity makes it hard for me to deal with it in a rational way.But I really do understand the need and the desire to be loved wholeheartedly that way.However ,I feel humans can never keep up that level of passion in a relationship. It would mean that was the sole focus of the relationship and we all know real life includes ordinary things like boredom,anger disinterest,paying bills,duty to family and friends.All the things you wont find in an affair.I think thats why an affair is so special because its not intruded on by boring ,everyday mundane things.Which woman doesn't dream of being swept away by an adoring man whose every thought and deed is focused on your pleasure.On the other hand all that focus would also tire and bore one.Sometimes my greatest pleasure is just reading a book while hubby goes nuts over a rugby game on tv and the boys are mucking around on the computer or with friends in their room.You are a lucky woman to have a forgiving man who shares the blame.You are a beautiful woman and a gifted writer.You have a second chance to make things work.I just read about the hoax on your site.Your husband may have forgiven.Its so possible that neither Mike or his family have forgiven.In these days of the internet its possible to stalk someone on the net.Ihope thats as far as it goes.It was plain nasty no matter what motivated it.God bless you and your hubby as you approach 30 years.
posted by
proc
on April 2, 2007 at 4:56 PM
| link to this | reply