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Still looking for clarity
I do appreciate people's kindness here. Sometimes I think I sound completely negative. I honestly don't know where I am. All my husband had to do was to grow up alongside me and to treat me with respect, and show some consideration and kindness as my life changed around me, while I kept his on an even keel. Instead, he showed me how selfish and inconsiderate he can be. This is not a man I can talk to, because he is insistent on telling me where I went wrong. Very, very rarely do I see any contrition, any willingness to see what the past years have cost me. His domestic life has been managed for him very well and he liked where we were. If he didn't, we'd have moved home years ago. So, do I shut up and let him own me, or do I come home? If I come home, I leave my children behind. I know they are grown up, but they are my children and who would walk away? And how come my husband didn't think that this dilemma, looming on the horizon for several years, mattered? When they were younger we could have done something about it, but he chose not to and he was the one with the career. It didn't matter what I said. All discussion proved fruitless and inconclusive.
I am sick of uninformed people saying to me that I am not looking at the other side, his side. It's because I put my children, and his feelings, before my own that I stuck with an unhappy situation as long as I did. I didn't want to take his life apart, to break his heart, to give up on a long marriage lightly, above all to leave my son, even when I met someone who made me happy. I had my doubts about that when it came to it - there were lots of factors around that too -and so I called it off, which hurt just as much. I still care for this person but try to keep that out of the equation, which is as it must be. Perhaps my husband is happier where we live now. So let him, but don't ask me to live there with him, and wait around until he hits early retirement for us to move home, leaving children and quite possibly grandchildren. I can't think straight with him always in my head. Let him live there and be happy, but I can't just "roll over", which is what he wants, and he won't concede anything. I'm the one who committed the crime of the century. For all his discussion about "convenience" and "the family," he still expects a full relationship even after he has scared me away with his extremes, yet won't get any counselling himself. So I struggle with the decision-making for us both, for my kids, for myself, while he does nothing but insist that he loves me. There has to be an answer, somewhere. Thanks for reading.
posted by
mneme
on March 13, 2007 at 2:44 AM
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Muser
that's so true; meanwhile thank you for taking the time, I know you have troubles of your own and I appreciate it.
posted by
mneme
on March 13, 2007 at 1:54 AM
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justi
Thank you for this. It is upstream, and sometimes it feels like I should just throw in the towel. People don't want to just let me be. A convent is looking quite attractive right now, but I'll get over it, and work through another day, another week, month, year, as we all do.
posted by
mneme
on March 13, 2007 at 1:53 AM
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mneme
I'm so glad that you drop in at my post every now and then. Its good to know you are around.
posted by
TAPS.
on March 9, 2007 at 11:16 AM
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Thinkin' of ya luv.
posted by
WileyJohn
on March 9, 2007 at 9:58 AM
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mneme
I shall miss you luv and I hope I caught you in time to wish you well and God bless you luv. Keep well.
posted by
WileyJohn
on March 6, 2007 at 5:46 PM
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Mneme
I'm glad to see you are still around even though you left a comment where I asked you not to. LOL.
posted by
TAPS.
on March 6, 2007 at 7:54 AM
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Thank you all for your kind comments
I shouldn't be here, I should be packing, but just wanted to say hello. Now that it comes to it, I'd rather take another month and really prepare, but I need the space. See you soon.
posted by
mneme
on March 1, 2007 at 5:49 PM
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Keep on keeping on--shalom, joy and courage.
we stand by you from far---or near--depends on the perspective. Go for it GIRL!
posted by
ILLUMINATI8
on March 1, 2007 at 3:04 PM
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mneme
no man is an island.
posted by
richinstore
on February 27, 2007 at 8:35 PM
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I am really glad you are going home for a vist, Mneme...Just keep in mind
that now HOME is somewhere between" there's no place like home,there's no place like home" and "you can never go home again"...
posted by
muser
on February 27, 2007 at 7:05 PM
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Trouble is I don't think you can know if you'll regret something
ahead of time. Part of me - OK a big part of me - regrets leaving the life I had. Trouble is I did not appreciate that life so much until I didn't have it. Most of the time I want to shake my partner who puts lots of his energies into things but allows basic things like regular income fall by the wayside.
posted by
Azur
on February 27, 2007 at 12:32 PM
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You are going through
a very difficult and trying time. I am sure the family visit will be good as the support family can give is invaluable.
posted by
Tanga
on February 27, 2007 at 2:13 AM
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Some hard thinking there, Mneme. Bold to lay it all out in front of us.
Hope it has helped you to get it all out. I find this sometimes works for me. Nothing solved, but with things written down, they seem clearer, as you seem to suggest with your conclusion.
Warmth & wishes.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on February 27, 2007 at 1:45 AM
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You poor thing.
I feel for you, so much! It's sad that you are trapped in such a helpless situation.
posted by
Joe_Love
on February 26, 2007 at 8:39 PM
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You will be fine after you return from your visit where you are
going to go .Take care.
posted by
afzal50
on February 26, 2007 at 5:45 PM
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Good luck Mneme. Maybe the answer lies in the project your doing, and
in continuing to find a consuming and absorbing purpose and pleasure in this project and future ones. Keep thinking about what you want to do with your life. Maybe it still can be achieved there - who knows?
posted by
Antonionioni
on February 26, 2007 at 4:06 PM
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mneme
I hope that your trip home will be all that you hope for and expect it to be.
posted by
TAPS.
on February 26, 2007 at 3:29 PM
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Mneme
I am sorry your life is in an upstream paddle right now. I hope you enjoy your trip and that peace and decisions will come to you during that time. God bless you.
posted by
Justi
on February 26, 2007 at 3:11 PM
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