Go to I WRITE, THEREFORE I AM
- Add a comment
- Go to "Life without a man" is not the horror some people seem to believe
I don't think so.
You might be better off. When I think about some of the things that women with mates have to put up with, it's enough to drive me crazy. Who knows, anyway? There might just be someone out there waiting for you and both of you just haven't met as yet.
posted by
word.smith
on January 21, 2007 at 6:24 PM
| link to this | reply
Julia
Actually, you're probably much more at peace that way. I mean. . , it is a relief when the only urination you clean from the toilet is your own. . , aren't you?? *grin*
On a more serious note, love will probably find you again. I mean. . , you're special, aren't you??
posted by
Joe_Love
on January 20, 2007 at 10:03 PM
| link to this | reply
Julia
I, too, have struggled with this. I was only attracted to certain types of women, whom I reluctantly realized emulated my relationship with my mom. It wasn't until I dealt with those issues that I was able to let these issues go. I thought that it was the girls I was dating, but it was I. Life has a way to handing you what you most don't want to have.
Having said that, I was resolved at one time to live alone and basically be a hermit. I'm glad that I decided to deal with myself and not isolate myself. Of course, being alone was not all bad. I enjoyed doing things with no one to answer to. But, having my own family has forced me to grow, or pass on unwanted issues to my kids. It's a lot harder, but much more fulfilling to me.
posted by
avant-garde
on January 20, 2007 at 3:09 AM
| link to this | reply
I believe, there are two key words in this post and comments;
The first key is the word lonely. I believe being alone can be temporary for various reasons; sabatical, making changes geographically or job-wise, ill health, fatigue, etc. If we have a phone and or car, if we can walk, if we want family or friends near; we can create community for ourselves. I need only to pray for my children, family or friends and suddenly the phone is ringing and someone is knocking on my door. I believe we manifest what we choose; along with relationships come the requirement of giving of ourselves. If we are not willing to give of ourselves and create relationships, then we will not receive. Then again I also have communion with holy spirit, so I am never alone.
I believe the other key is the word man. If being coupled involves a romantic relationship, I feel it is better to be single then to be involved in a pseudo-relationship. I believe pseudo-relationships (when both know spiritually it is only temporary, but choose to use one another for physical presence and companionship; ie; sex, whatever, as opposed to being alone), can be extrememly damaging for both keeping them from spriritually progressing forward. I've known many married woman who have felt very much alone with a husband on the sofa.
I believe partners moving forward spiritually is the key to coupling and I believe the spirit knows where, how and when to meet others spiritually. Everyone serves as a purpose to the whole. I believe being alone at times sabatically, fasting and meditating in prayer is necessary to learn how to function spiritually, but I also believe we are one part of a whole and it is necessary to commune in order to aide one another in spiritual progress.
posted by
roadscross
on January 19, 2007 at 10:11 PM
| link to this | reply
Julia,
being one, I don't know what it would mean to 'live without a man', LOL. But on a more serious note, dare I suggest that you might have to be a bit more discerning in
chosing?
posted by
Nautikos
on January 19, 2007 at 4:03 PM
| link to this | reply
Julia
I don't think you're deluding yourself at all. In fact, I commend you for your ability to understand that YOU are responsible for making
yourself feel whole and complete. All other relationships and experiences mold our
shape, but don't create the whole.
I'm sorry for not visiting yesterday. It's been a tough week and I've neglected many. I'm sorry!
posted by
Presley
on January 19, 2007 at 3:49 PM
| link to this | reply
deluding myself into thinking I am happy without a man in my life?
nope!
Jo
posted by
brisbane_artist
on January 19, 2007 at 2:46 PM
| link to this | reply
Julia..After being a single male for such a long time now, I've grown used
to it. The people in my life tried to get me involved with others telling me it wasn't healthy being alone all the time, but finally gave up on me. Oh well, I'm still walking upright.
Hug goes with the flower.
posted by
I-R-William
on January 19, 2007 at 1:06 PM
| link to this | reply
Oh yeah, and the point of all that is, no, you are NOT
abnormal, weird, or unfulfilled because you choose to be alone.
posted by
strat
on January 19, 2007 at 6:00 AM
| link to this | reply
I tend to think that if it happens, it will
happen when you least expect it in the most unlikely of places. But if it doesn't, so what? You are obviously happy with yourself and where you are, and if anyone else doesn't like it, tell them, in a delicate way, to blow it out their hiney.
There's an old Sam and Dave song, "Everybody Needs Somebody," but I don't know that that's true. It's nice, even wonderful, but it's more like icing on a cake. The true trick to a relationship, I've found, is knowing how to share the cake.
posted by
strat
on January 19, 2007 at 5:58 AM
| link to this | reply
I am reading an excellent book by Marianne Williams (?) called
A Return To Love, and I just got to the part where she talks about how the special relationship we all seek is a trick our ego plays on us. If we are created in love by a loving god, and in the image of that creator, we are all supposed to love one another equally. No one love will complete us except the love of god. *I hesitate to capitalize because love and god aren't necessarily Christian beliefs, most everyone believes that they have a loving creator. This is who I refer to. And yes, the book says the very same thing you do. We choose to condemn, criticize, and blame. We choose people who will allow us to do that. Until we are ready to love ourselves, forgive ourselves and all our brothers (fellow human beings) and give up the idea of blame and guilt, we will have an impossible time making any relationship work. I don't think you're deluding yourself at all. Not in the least. To the contrary, I think your eyes are being opened to true love. Just my opinion. :)
posted by
Schatz
on January 18, 2007 at 8:13 PM
| link to this | reply
Well of course I am going to say you're completely normal since I'm alone and know no other way! But seriously, I think there are many paths in life, and we all take different ones. Some of us walk those paths alone, others with a mate. No one way is right or wrong. I didn't choose to be alone, but since I believe we don't always end up with our soul mate, even if we find him/her, I would MUCH rather be alone than hook up with some spare dude who is male and single and has a pulse just because I'm lonely. Egad!
posted by
Holy_Grail
on January 18, 2007 at 7:58 PM
| link to this | reply
men
men and women are naturally made for each other so looking for someone to love and have him love you back is natural yet at the same time we entered this world alone and alone we shall leave and all that we getalong the road...the good the bad the ugly or the love and friendships are right for us the way they are so just flow.
posted by
tenny_A
on January 18, 2007 at 6:44 PM
| link to this | reply
Julia
No you are not and one thing I have learned out us "happy" single gals is that we like ourselves..Gotta like yourself to life with yourself...Moxie just posted the happiest people poll and single women came in #1...
Freak is the norm....freak 5 out!
posted by
Offy
on January 18, 2007 at 5:36 PM
| link to this | reply
The best relationships I've had came when I wasn't looking...I think that
you have to find what's right for you.
posted by
Ariala
on January 18, 2007 at 5:25 PM
| link to this | reply
Julia.
Being fulfilled in life is a purely personal thing and no one can tell someone else what they do or do not need to make them fulfilled. I have an idea that if a woman thinks that she must have a man in her life to be fulfilled, she probably would not be (at least for long) even with a man.
posted by
TAPS.
on January 18, 2007 at 3:59 PM
| link to this | reply
Who needs a man when Goddess gave us felines?
Just kidding. There is a time and a place when a good man comes in very handy.
posted by
Moxie_Maven
on January 18, 2007 at 2:16 PM
| link to this | reply
Julia.....
Nobody is better than you. God created us all as an equal. Don't let any man think he's above you, he isn't. If you're happy, then that's all that counts. {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}.
posted by
MaggieMae
on January 18, 2007 at 1:23 PM
| link to this | reply
Julia,
Like you, I'm not down on men either. I do, however, not need one to feel fulfillment in my life. I think we place far too high expections on the opposite sex-both men and women to fulfill some part of our exsistance that someone or something in our past has been incapable of satisfying.
The trick is to learn to be satisfied with the person you are inside and with what you have. If love is meant to be for you, it will happen.
Does what I just said make any sense????
posted by
lovelyladymonk
on January 18, 2007 at 10:17 AM
| link to this | reply
Talion--
Did you ever find it fascinating that three women from the same family chose the same path? I mean, it definitely goes against the odds, so I would expect no more than one, possibly two, per family. But three? Never! Unless they were from an unusually large family, hehe.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2007 at 9:39 AM
| link to this | reply
mysteria--
thanks! I love the "highly overrated" part of your comment--of course that is my experience as well.
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2007 at 9:37 AM
| link to this | reply
LOL Bel--
My Mom doesn't do that, she can't handle the grandkids she already has! (She's 80)...
posted by
Julia.
on January 18, 2007 at 9:35 AM
| link to this | reply
Julia.
I don't see a problem with this. My three aunts never married. It's simply a matter of choice. The only problem is dealing with people who can't open their eyes or their minds enough to realize
different is not automatically synonymous with
wrong.
posted by
Talion
on January 18, 2007 at 9:34 AM
| link to this | reply
Julia. I don't think you are deluding yourself at all. I think you
have reached a conclusion that many stable, logical women are realizing. Myself, through my experiences, have found that romantic relationships with men are highly overrated.
posted by
mysteria
on January 18, 2007 at 9:30 AM
| link to this | reply
Julia
I think like anything else humans in the area of relationships are all different. Some preferred to be paired others prefer to be on their own. You can only do what is right for you and tell your mother to quit pushing you about giving her more two legged grandchildren LOL!
posted by
bel_1965
on January 18, 2007 at 9:29 AM
| link to this | reply