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kingmi,
you're welcome, and thanks for visiting.
posted by
mneme
on November 28, 2006 at 12:36 AM
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mneme, You have given me a great idea for a post. Thanks!
posted by
kingmi
on November 27, 2006 at 6:26 PM
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Ypunday,
thanks for your comments. You are right about water off a duck's back - although but even a duck might have temporarily have a little trouble with a deluge.
posted by
mneme
on November 27, 2006 at 5:17 PM
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afterthoughts
I'm floating this as a comment rather than a post for the time being...
I'm wondering whether to post on the notion of serenity as it relates to me, as I am sitting here wondering how it is, in my situation - which is pretty unusual - to not be all over the place. I am like that sometimes, and because of the last bout of hitting rock-bottom - from which point the only way is obviously up - I've started with another round of counselling. It should be simple enough to extract myself from this relationship at the times when I feel for sure that that is what I want, and yet it isn't simple at all. There are many, many obstacles. So when I have been through the cycle yet again, of an upset, of despair, of a period of relative calm and a sense of recovery, and feel, as I do right now, quite calm and in control (so long as I don't try to move outside the box).. why is it that I can't maintain it? What is wrong with me that I could even contemplate remaining in a painful marriage, which only works if I don't express anything contentious (ie pertaining to how I feel about our life and the direction things have taken in the last ten years) and if I deny my own needs for the sake of peace and quiet, and of keeping the family together, even though one lives overseas already. Why can't I just take up a long-standing offer of an alternative? - apart from the fact of other people's extreme reactions, and of having to make a committment that would keep me permanently from my home. Why do I not make a decision, any decision? Is my serenity, when I have it, only a negation? Is it normal to feel like this or am I just making things worse for myself by trying to figure it all out? Why do I never have any certainty about any of the decisions I will have to make? I feel sorry for the counsellor....
posted by
mneme
on November 27, 2006 at 5:12 PM
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You are onto something important here MNEME! well done..serenity is good
--but not cheap. All that we need to start is to make a decision to ignoe the little frustrations and miscues from others. Be determined to get upset only to save someone or a lot of cash. Otherwise, let things roll over like water on a salamander's back (LOL). If we fail, there's always those great words, "I messed up, I apologize." Or some combination of these, hahahahha (Shalom from Neil)
posted by
ILLUMINATI8
on November 27, 2006 at 5:05 PM
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mneme, This is definitely something for which to strive.
posted by
TAPS.
on November 27, 2006 at 3:17 PM
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Third time lucky..
Tony, I thought I'd written "lived truly" - your interpretation is a good one too. What I've tried to do is to be true to myself, in terms of principles and integrity, and I've tried to instill that in my children. At times it felt like I was fighting a losing battle, in a world where values are changing so fast. Worth the effort, definitely.
I think I'd add "if you can learn tolerance" to my list too.
posted by
mneme
on November 27, 2006 at 3:09 PM
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ITony, I meant "stand by" mistakes and successes.
posted by
mneme
on November 27, 2006 at 3:03 PM
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Tonyzonit,
that's so true, and we have to by the mistakes as well as the successes. I would never have thought, ever, that things would turn out this way and I do of course have some regrets - don't we all... Hard to move forward, or back, so I aim for equilibrium - and caramel slice.
posted by
mneme
on November 27, 2006 at 3:02 PM
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Thanks Troosha,
that helps a lot.
posted by
mneme
on November 27, 2006 at 2:55 PM
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Hi Mneme. i mainly agree with the 'having truly lived' line.
What else matters, if you can say that. And let's face it, if we live to or beyond middle age and have done lots of different things in our time, what more could we want? Also, I feel that it's a source of pride to have tried different things, even if they've not worked out. We can hardly castigate ourselves if we had a go. It's only if we didn't ever bother going out on that limb at all that we should feel ashamed and unfulfilled. After all, we can't win at everything - that hard lesson we learn when we cry our eyes out as young kids when we don't get what we want! Now we know better that this is so, and that's the way it is, and to get the most out of 'it'. I'll stop now, i'm rambling, and hungry!
posted by
Antonionioni
on November 27, 2006 at 1:43 PM
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mneme
The other day when I made the statement or comment “if we change our behavior, we will often witness a different response” (or something to that effect) I was not for a moment suggesting one should acquiesce to uncaring or overbearing conduct. I was looking more at the micro picture – such as if you didn’t agree with something a non charged response is more likely to achieve better results. You have now shared with me more of the big picture and although I am no sage or therapist which places me in a position to offer advice, I too have been in stagnant situations – or situations where I felt I was losing control of myself, my thoughts, and my desires. Decisions which may alter our life dramatically are the most difficult yet sometimes our heart and intuition is already telling us what we should do but our head is not listening. Take care of your heart and your children. The counselor or therapist you’re going to see will undoubtedly guide you through you choices and the answer will reveal itself. There is light at the end of any tunnel – stay with it and you’ll find your light. My apologies if I minimized you dilemma the other day.
As far as today’s post goes… I would add – you are happy if you are satisfied with who you see in the mirror. 
posted by
Troosha
on November 27, 2006 at 5:42 AM
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Wiley,
looking at my tall son, and feeling so proud of him makes me smile. You are serene if you can smile and feel it - there's another one.
posted by
mneme
on November 26, 2006 at 9:36 PM
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Beautiful, Wiley
- then I am serene. Some of the time.
posted by
mneme
on November 26, 2006 at 9:34 PM
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mneme
You can say the word love sometime in the day and feel it.
posted by
WileyJohn
on November 26, 2006 at 9:17 PM
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