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John-
I kept you in mind as I wrote this, realizing that your life went forward with the love of your life. I know you faced your family and followed your heart. I was ready to do that and Mike wasn't. I'm sure he is feeling safe with his decision, and I think he is not only putting the no contact, ignore Carole, in his thoughts should he have any about me, and he's lying by denying how he discovered how to love again. He is a coward if he can't be honest about what he did, with me, and
own that experience not secretly but
own it, at least to his family. Talk about it, but don't keep it buried as Dad's dirty little secret. <sigh> He lied in front of his whole congregation and it was published on the internet. It's how I found out and connected the dots. He was going to seek counselling for himself. I'll bet I have been declassified to "Other woman," "Object of his illness, his obsessive compulsive side."
Do not think about it and you'll be safe? John, he considered himself an addict and I was the intoxicant. That is the reason he won't ever speak to me. It still breaks my heart, it does.
But I am lucky to have Jay. He is still here, and he may not connect with me the way you do with your kindred spirit, but he loves me the best way he knows and I love him for that. He may not be the perfect stallion, but he's been a great jockey. He's always given me my head and let me run run run as fast as I can. Even if I ran far away, I eventually ran home, to him. How's that?
I've wanted my cake and to eat it, too, I always did when it came to Mike, in my 20s and in my 50s, but that's not to be. Lionel Richie is singing 'Hello' and I wish it was Mike singing to me, but it's not. It will not -- ever -- be.
Thank you, friend, and I will accept the blessings you send me.
Ceemarie
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on September 29, 2006 at 3:02 PM
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YP!!
You're baaaack!!!!! Joy Joy your computer is better then. Or you are closer tp one you can use. Happy to see you. His miracles are everywhere and they DO happen every day. Glad to have the gift of you presence - HO HO HO!
Peace, dear Neil, blessings your way!
LadyCee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on September 29, 2006 at 2:36 PM
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Shalom--let us pause, meditate & gives thanx--may Mom's Peace return to us
in a fashion so that this bruised world may find some solace. Glory to the Christ-Being!
Dropped by for a quick Hi...last time it sounded like a sick Santa; "Ho" only once. Love, Neil
posted by
ILLUMINATI8
on September 29, 2006 at 11:48 AM
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ceemarie53
I'm sorry that your mother died luv, that is hard on a girl. For all the upset over falling in love with Mike, well, I'm also sorry that didn't end positively.
I can walk part of that walk with you, I did break up my first marriage of 20 years.
It was not an easy thing to do, but it seems to me that if you're not also filled with anger on the one side and love on the other, one can be stuck in neutral.
We tried to find that love, my first wife and I, but it was never there from the get-go. I loved her but she didn't reciprocate.
Indeed, she never really had a chance to love me I suppose, I was alcoholic as a young man and she came from a sexually abusive family.
God bless you my friend.
posted by
WileyJohn
on September 29, 2006 at 7:56 AM
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