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I'm glad about that, Azur.
posted by
johnmacnab
on September 14, 2006 at 10:06 AM
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Hoping to see you back soon. Hoping for good news.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on September 14, 2006 at 1:00 AM
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Many, many thanks for your thoughts and words
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
This has been a very alarming time. Of course these are the breaks of working in a volatile field. I am not afraid of rejection per se as that is par for the course when you pitch your work at high profile publications but it was frightening to fall behind on things and I had some lousy luck.
I do believe in myself but felt I was letting down my family. Things have improved.
posted by
Azur
on September 13, 2006 at 11:59 PM
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Just checking in and saying good morning, Azur,
I hope today has some brighter spots.
posted by
Blanche.
on September 13, 2006 at 11:08 AM
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see my Start Up blog....azur
posted by
benzinha
on September 13, 2006 at 11:06 AM
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Azur, having just put up a website, it is my salvation suggestion for you,
and I know that you said that you didn't need nor want any.
But, it is your answer....to everything...and I am going to go write ablog post about it now, as I never post anymore and I have to write a lot. I do go on and on and on and on....benzinha
posted by
benzinha
on September 13, 2006 at 10:22 AM
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Just popping back in.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on September 13, 2006 at 1:49 AM
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Yeah, like they said!
posted by
majroj
on September 12, 2006 at 10:54 PM
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Azur
ceemarie said it all, Azur. You have a dazzling talent, but are in a dark place and a time of fear. It does not matter what mindless task you take on to make money and feed your family. When you are making money, the terror will be no more, and you will be able to write with excitement again. But then again, your next email may bring great news. Good luck.
posted by
johnmacnab
on September 12, 2006 at 7:12 PM
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azur--
I am sure that you will have many new ideas soon (if you haven't already today!).
posted by
Julia.
on September 12, 2006 at 5:06 PM
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Azur,
great list! I would add another point, one that I am in the process of (re)learning, although I have known it forever: stop writing in your head, sit down at the g**d*** keybord!
posted by
Nautikos
on September 12, 2006 at 4:54 PM
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You'll get through it, I have every confidence you will.
I have every belief you will, and I don't throw that in any direction y'know.
posted by
Cringe
on September 12, 2006 at 3:31 PM
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Azur--- I hope that writing about it helped you out of the bad place.
If I had a family of four to support (instead of one dog and a family of racoons subletting one of my hollow oak trees) I couldn't live the "writing life" that I am now. I'd have to approach it qw much more of a "business," with emphasis on practicality instead of creativity. I wish you the best in sorting this out.
posted by
Jazwolf
on September 12, 2006 at 3:19 PM
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YOU HAVE A VERY POETIC TURN OF PHRASE....
and are obviously very creative with words. Maybe this was just one of those days we all have when you feel defeated and no inspiration will come. When you feel like that try reading some of the best work you have done and remember that you have felt like that before, but the feeling doesn't last. Perhaps you can do some part time job which leaves time for the writing, or a security job where you can do it to pass the time. If you are a writer it will always express itself somehow. Good luck. (Sad we live in a world where the mundane takes first place, but man cannot live by bread alone - as they say!)
posted by
nonconformist
on September 12, 2006 at 12:56 PM
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Azur,
I don't have any answers for what you should do next or why you're not where you would like to be in your writing, nor why after experiencing and enduring all that you have, you don't get rewarded with more successs. I just hope that it happens.
posted by
Blanche.
on September 12, 2006 at 10:38 AM
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Azur,
Writing is who you are and while it may not cover the bills, you can still make the time to do it along whatever other path you have to take to make ends meet. Life, as you know issues us these challenges from time to time and we either have to meet them or give up. I know that you have too much at stake to give up and I also know that you can write. You always keep us coming back for more and I am sure that you will be able to figure things out on a brighter day.
Keep your head up.
posted by
word.smith
on September 12, 2006 at 10:29 AM
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This post counts as an idea, I believe. Blogging does oil the wheels.
Sorry to talk in cliches, but every dark cloud will clear.
posted by
_dave_says_ack_
on September 12, 2006 at 7:36 AM
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You have some good answers, I cannot say any better that what you have here
but I will say that you seem very down....depression seems to tred on positives..leaving you feeling with negative feelings....I lived through this most of my life...it clogs your mind so you cannot find the answers you want.....it's only now that I have started to take control of my life and change a few things, that I can really see depression for what it is...
I think maybe you should go to your doctor or do something natural like john wart are good...
it helps clear your mind more....I have always believed in you....I don't think you really want to give up writing, I just think you need a little bit of help with yourself...your stuck in a flunk right now...but I know you can get out....we are always here to support you and listen...
Please take care...
posted by
_Symphony_
on September 12, 2006 at 7:11 AM
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posted by
Rosetree
on September 12, 2006 at 6:47 AM
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You seem tired of the changes.
If you have been able to "be something" so long that you identify yourself as it ("commercially successful writer" coming readily to mind), and your self-confidence fails, then you may experience a change in performance. No one has uniform output in writing forever. And NO ONE's plan goes "as planned"; if they say otherwise, they are delusional, lying, or just lucky. Don't judge yourself against others, don't judge your present against your past.
Your former persona here was much harder; harder to get along with, and less understanding of people's foibles and shortcomings. I'll bet you are a better human being to be around in person. And if it is a choice between being a "commercially successful writer" and a dcent human with friends and family who love you, ask yourself who came through for you the best, your editor or your significant others? Who will in the future?
If you ARE "a writer", then write. You might have a day job, your writing may not be appearing on glossy environmentally hostile paper, and you might have to break off now and again for life to intrude, but just as an "actor" acts (even if only with a community theater), a member of the subrace known as "writers" will write.
As for ideas, you are "surrounded" with them here, as well as sources ("How DID it feel to meet Fidel, Gomedome?") for firsthand impressions. Even if whatever you start gets sidetracked by another idea that takes its place....GOOD!
So, let the doldrums go on a little bit, then start your (realistically tentative) plan, trust your friends and family, and wait and see what happens between oar strokes.
posted by
majroj
on September 12, 2006 at 1:40 AM
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Azur
Forgive me for being presumptuous, but I noticed in your 'about me' profile that you declare yourself to be an 'underpaid writer.' I have no idea what it feels like to have to depend solely upon my writing to make a living; but, I do know that my belief about myself is always experienced as a reality. I used to think that I didn't have much business and I fretted and worried over it. Then I noticed that I was always talking about it that way- making 'I am' statements that I was deprived of work. I had to consciously rethink everything and spend a lot of time telling myself that I was successful. Sure enough, it worked. I had so much work that I had to turn down stuff.
This 'positive thinking' stuff is real. I used to scoff at it, but now I do not. Anyway, I am just trying to help in any way I can. I'll keep you in my prayers and may God bless you in trememdous ways.
posted by
avant-garde
on September 12, 2006 at 1:20 AM
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I am sure the ideas
will start flowing soon. Hang in there!
posted by
Tanga
on September 12, 2006 at 12:06 AM
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It would be a shame to give up writing altogether.
Why the doubts? you are good, you simply could not run on luck for years, no, you are not a fraud. Give yourself some credit as a writer, even if you change career path, see yourself as a good writer who left for positive reasons, not in defeat. Hug to you.
posted by
marieclaire66
on September 11, 2006 at 11:51 PM
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Yikes
After your comment on my blog, I thought I'd come see what you've been up to and why you're stressed. Looks like you're in a rough patch. You will find your way out of it. Keep writing (if you have the time). If nothing else, it will be good for your soul. Don't lose the faith.
posted by
TVBlogger
on September 11, 2006 at 10:35 PM
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AZUR-
JK Rowlings had rejection after rejection from all the major houses her agent submitted her to and it was about the end of the line. The agent called and asked her friend to please read this book and he did, all in a day. The first Harry Potter. JK is now the wealthiest woman in England! If anything, your writing should mature and deepen as you grow in age and wisdom. You may need to get a day job to keep the house over your head, but you were never deluded. The talent is still there. You are just in a dark place, all right. I know about health crises, and the financial woes they bring on. Keep the faith! You'll be just fine!!
Cee
posted by
LadyCeeMarie
on September 11, 2006 at 10:22 PM
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