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yes there is acontradiction, because there is one in my head too.
I know what it is, but cannot explain here. too personal
posted by
marieclaire66
on August 14, 2006 at 8:37 PM
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I think the first two verses
are great - just enough.
Loved the fishes too. I was here a while ago but forgot to say hello
posted by
Azur
on August 14, 2006 at 8:09 PM
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Marie-Claire--- In general, yes. But I believe there's a bit of
a contradiction between the girl's action in the beginning and her feelings at the end. It's difficult for me to explain that without being able to reference the poem as I write this. Do you understand my point?
posted by
Jazwolf
on August 14, 2006 at 7:59 PM
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Jazwolf, is the poem coherent enough according to you?
does the transition from sadness to happiness seem strange to you?
posted by
marieclaire66
on August 14, 2006 at 7:56 PM
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Marie-Claire--- Yes, the Marie-Claire editor below makes good points.
And since you see those types of errors, you can correct them at some point. Poetry is just as much about rewriting as it is writing, maybe even more so than other types of writing because each word carries such weight. But you have great ability to come up with good ideas and bring images to life.
posted by
Jazwolf
on August 14, 2006 at 7:47 PM
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marieclaire, you have shown here one of the loveable traits of children. They are so forgiving and so easily pleased. It is sad that as parents and grandparents we feel we have to give them expensive toys when what they want most is our time and attention.
posted by
TAPS.
on August 14, 2006 at 7:46 AM
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is who in a different time zone?
we have lived in a lot of places :) I thought the repetitions added to the poem; some of mine have experimented with repeated motifs or phrases. It's a tradition that goes back a long way:)
posted by
mneme
on August 14, 2006 at 4:43 AM
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this is really bad, got= 5 repetitions, way always=4 times?
language clumsy. style funny, rhythm? may be. that is my own rating.
posted by
marieclaire66
on August 14, 2006 at 4:30 AM
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ooops did not see the repetitions in the poem must fix that oneday.
posted by
marieclaire66
on August 14, 2006 at 4:18 AM
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hey are you in a differnt time zone?
posted by
marieclaire66
on August 14, 2006 at 4:17 AM
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check your email hopes this helps.
posted by
marieclaire66
on August 14, 2006 at 4:16 AM
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You have made me smile with this one again
so sweet... Another memory surfaces; running with my young son through carpets of red leaves in Washington., D.C. The Clintons weren't at home.
posted by
mneme
on August 14, 2006 at 3:56 AM
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