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she is, homegirl, very quietly and unobtrusively cool.

posted by benzinha on September 20, 2005 at 12:47 PM | link to this | reply

YOUR MOM IS COOL!

posted by homegirl on September 20, 2005 at 10:55 AM | link to this | reply

homegirl, I know that what you say is true as I've followed your blog posts

forever on this subject. I just wish that they would volunteer to come over to your place to help you clean up the garden, paint the bathroom, wash the car or something to pay you back.

Don't be bitter, it does you no good and makes your tummy hurt. Water off a duck's back. You do what you can and the rest is in God's hands.

You could do what Mom does periodically. She throws herself and "Let's Do Something Wonderful for Mom Party" and we all go over and do wonderful things at her place all day. She has no shame and it makes us laugh and it gives us an opportunity to repay her many kindnesses, while laughing about it all.

posted by benzinha on August 31, 2005 at 12:52 AM | link to this | reply

OFFBEAT, your comments were so kind. Thank-you. The good news is that I

took the car to the Volvo mechanic, a lovely Christian man who works out of his home's garage. He reminds me of majroj, tho' I've never met the man in person. He is so clean as a mechanic, so organized, so competent. Wonderful.

I said, "I have a $650 sound coming out of my engine when I brake normally, but I can prevent it by braking very gently. Take it down three houses and hit the brakes." So, he did.

I heard the horrendous sound from his place and saw him gently put in into reverse and glide back into his driveway. He got out of it and said, "Holy smokes! That is a $650 sound if I've ever heard one. Something is terribly wrong, but I have some ideas to check out first."

 He jacked it up on the front side and pushed and pulled and then let it drop fairly quickly. The struts complained and he jacked it back up. The struts were so loose as to be dangerous. On both sides. He tightened them up. Then he spun the wheels and jacked it back up and felt for the bolts to the brake caliphers and found that one bolt was missing and the other fell out onto his hand just as he touched it.

He pulled a bolt off of a '93 Volvo station wagon that he uses for parts and put it all back together. He asked me what else was wrong with the car and I told him. He charged me $30 for his work and gave me an estimate for about $890 to give me windshield wipers, front and back again, a new side window, brakes done, tune up and oil change, power steering back and air conditioning once again. And he will get the back lift up door to close and lock again. What a deal!!

I told him that in January, I will begin to pay for these things, a few each month, he chooses priority.

What a lovely surprise, as I my fears were $650 large. I drove quietly and safely and happily away from his place.

posted by benzinha on August 31, 2005 at 12:47 AM | link to this | reply

cynthia, we have been raised to back each other up, no matter what.

I have no money to back anyone up, so I always say YES to babysitting grandchildren, always. I go anywhere to help clean, pick up, watch, organize, man or whatever, any family request unless it is absolutely impossible. We are all that way.

If we get pissed about anything, we either bitch and move on, or just let it go, because even after we bitch, we still have to move on and let it go, so why upset everyone with bitching, ya know? I have been the neediest my whole life, an artist and oft divorced woman sans child support.

No relative (blood relative) has ever bitched about my neediness, because they knew that if their livingroom needed painting or their dog had to go to the vet while they were at work, I would volunteer. I try to pay back in time, what they often give me in gifts or financial aid. With time, I have tried to pay back in kindness even those who criticized me.

I'm sorry that your mom wouldn't just jump up and say, "Whaddaya need, baby girl?" and then give it to you. It's a mom's job, as I understand it. I do whatever my kids ask, because they ask for time, which I have lots of. They know that I have no money, but that if I did, it would be theirs, too.

posted by benzinha on August 31, 2005 at 12:34 AM | link to this | reply

You are so fortunate to have someone to lean on..
Unfortunately, we, my husband and I are those people to both sides of our family... needless to say...  I'm a little bitter about it because they actually get mad when we are all 'loaned' out.

posted by homegirl on August 30, 2005 at 7:04 AM | link to this | reply

Benzi
You sound like a very talented person! As lucky as you are to have such a wonderful Mother, she is lucky to have you too. I see two women who love each other very much, her braids, the frog, it is all good. Now about the car, doesn't it seem like a cycle? When one thing goes wrong, a few others follow in suit..Murphy's Law.. You will make it through this, you are a wise and good person, I hope my daughter learns how to do those things!

posted by Offy on August 30, 2005 at 3:04 AM | link to this | reply

My mom is still alive too
Benzinha, and though I am now a grandma myself, I wish I could throw myself at her feet when things go bad. It's the fear of ridicule that I know would be her response that holds me back.

I hope your "check is in the mail".

posted by Cynthia on August 30, 2005 at 2:47 AM | link to this | reply

maj, artists and philosophers and poets and writers all need someone to

lean on, to sponsor them. We either succeed or fail. Van Gogh stares at me, big eyed and understanding. Wish I had a new car, but foolishly, would turn down a Yugo if offered one.


Thanks for the back up.

posted by benzinha on August 29, 2005 at 11:02 PM | link to this | reply

Do Not Give Up.

There's one thing people like better than a winner, and that is a winner they helped. You go!!

(No, I'm not suggesting you buy a Yugo).

posted by majroj on August 29, 2005 at 10:59 PM | link to this | reply

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