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Symphony
I really appreciate that, you're sweet to say that, thank you. I'm doing better since this post was written, but it's still really hard.
posted by
Temple
on July 19, 2005 at 2:13 PM
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im here if you ever need me
posted by
_Symphony_
on July 19, 2005 at 11:37 AM
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HG....what blogspot stuff?
ha! :)
posted by
Temple
on July 18, 2005 at 8:31 PM
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do one thing
It's okay if your new...I appreciate that my writing touched you and that you took the time to comment. That's hard to do sometimes when you are new. I wrote it a while back and there are 2 or 3 more that will bring us up to speed on the situation, for the most part....a post a few back called "The Breaking" is the most up to date (just in case you were wondering).
I believe what you said and live my life that way, exactly. I'm standing next to you on that page. Love is worth the risk, people do come into our lives for a reason...as well as things happen for a reason. I am a Buddhist, so I believe happiness and sorrow are in our mind (learning this is the process of enlightenment, and easier to write than always practice)... and I believe that lessons live and come to us in all things. I believe you are right about the lifetime ones, I mean friends....I thought in him I found that, if not a partner. There are times I wonder if I knew he would, and knew he would, leave when it got hard, whether I would risk it. But, I think it was bad timing and just not meant to be....and in time I will be able to see it through a different lens.
Thank you for such thoughtful and sweet advice. I hope you will stop by again. The posts get less dark. :) And thank you for the hugs....those I always need and welcome.
posted by
Temple
on July 18, 2005 at 8:30 PM
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Whew, glad I remembered you were posting your blogspot stuff here. I thought I was losing my mind for minutes! Deja Vu..... :-)
posted by
Holy_Grail
on July 18, 2005 at 5:22 PM
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Temple
I'm new here but your blog touched me. Ginnieb and the others give good advice.
From me to you- Love is always a risk worth taking. And something to remember: People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And at the half century+ I can tell you the lifetime ones are few indeed, and most often those are friends.
Dwell now on what you learned and what you taught. How you helped and the fun you remember. And time will be the best of all medicine.
Hugs.
posted by
do_one_thing
on July 18, 2005 at 3:32 PM
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Hacker, excellent point.
I can't download music, can't afford it....so I listen to what I have. I love Evanescence, totally. I would love some of your emotional severance, as you put it, just to know what it's like to be him. To float around in happiness all the while telling me how wrong I'm handling the pain I'm in. I suppose it's easy to criticize from his perspective. I have never felt that I judged a person so wrongly, and I keep trying to rectify that...but when he won't talk to me, what am I to think. I would like just a break from this endless confusion and heartbreak and sadness...this cycle. Ultimately, I think I would like to have emotions rather than none because so much good is there....but now, I just want to let him go and let me be free...but he won't allow me to talk to him and do that. Besides, easier said than done. Thanks for stopping by.
posted by
Temple
on July 18, 2005 at 2:40 PM
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Temple
Who would have thought that the very thing we consider to make us human, emotion, would be our worst enemy? Is it better to be full of emotion or devoid of it? Hard to say, I suppose. I wish that for just a few days I could give you some of my emotional severance; it’s so hard to think clearly about a situation when emotions cloud our mind.
On the topic of music, if you’d like some angry music to listen to, download “Happy” by MudVayne…
Peel me from the skin,
Tear me from the rind,
Does it make you happy now?
Tear meat from the bone,
Tear me from myself,
Are you feeling happy now?
Or if you’re looking for something not so angry and hard core, but much more mellow, look up “Missing” by Evanescence…
Please, please forgive me,
But I won’t be home again.
Maybe someday you’ll look up,
And barely conscious you’ll say to no one:
Isn’t something missing?
You won’t cry for my absence I know,
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?
If you do download missing, make sure you get the version that’s about 4:15 long, not the 3:26 long version. The longer one is much much much better =). Best wishes, my friend.
posted by
Unidentified_Hacker
on July 18, 2005 at 2:28 PM
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May, I agree with you.....and usually I am all for taking the risk...
Even if I get hurt. I was very angry when I wrote this, but afterward we did talk and sort this particular issue out. Ginnieb said time was the best healer, and it's true....and we don't discuss things right now. I wish I could believe you when I feel that things left unsaid will pass, but I have the most difficulty with unfinished business. I need to understand to find closure, and I'm not sure I will ever have what I need. Lately, since this was written (and the ones written I still have to post) I understand less. How can someone who claimed to be in love with me do the things he did....so fast...with so little concern for me? He kept telling me things a long the way and before the words could form in the air, they were broken promises. It's been so hard, May. I know it will pass, and I know I will be okay. I just don't understand, and I just wish he would treat me like the man I thought I knew. If I knew his philosophy was basically to be there until it was too hard, that would make me decide not to go into the relationship. That's a very rare thing for me.
posted by
Temple
on July 18, 2005 at 2:09 PM
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If we saw at the beginning how most of these things ended we would possibly never set out on anything. This was right for a time but for reasons that perhaps you'll never know it was not a forever thing. Having said that who among us knows that anything is forever? My life is stable now but that could change in an instant. It could be me or the other person who initiates that. I think that it is good to let some anger out, as Ginnieb says and think about ending all discussion about it with him for now. At first you will feel that things have been left unsaid but then that desire will pass. You will have some more raw moments but they will pass.
posted by
Azur
on July 18, 2005 at 1:49 PM
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ginnie, you are sweet, but don't worry....
See at the bottom, this was written a little while ago, and the "take my hatred out on me" is part of the song....the quotes at the top by Marilyn Manson. Although, there are levels to it that I won't get into here, I did take -- and in many ways still do -- take this out on myself. I know it's about time, but I still can't understand how a man I thought I knew so well, who I thought loved me in such tender ways, who I love, could have done this to me. Now, yesterday, he posted a poem about marrying this girl (in between the lines, but not subtle) he's been with for three weeks. I can't get past how it all could have happened this way, and he won't even talk to me as if I did something wrong to him. I don't understand. We were supposed to be friends, but he just does things to hurt me and shuts me out. It will take me longer to get past what I don't understand. But, still....I find much blame in me for letting it all happen to begin with....I'm wondering what I should have seen. You know how that goes. Thanks for caring. :)
posted by
Temple
on July 18, 2005 at 8:26 AM
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Oh Temple...
...please don't be so hard on yourself. Take your anger out on something tangible..punch a pillow...scream out loud...but don't blame yourself...and I'm sure this will take time..sometimes time is the best healer. Take care of you!!
posted by
ginnieb
on July 18, 2005 at 6:23 AM
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