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Temple, my handwriting was a mess that day. I looked at it and remembered
when it had been so uniform and pretty. Sigh. Glad you got it, glad I finally sent it and glad that it helped you to run to the store. If things weren't upside down around here, I'd send more. If the Wellbutrin makes things smoother, I shall possibly do so.
Anyway, I am not even so very sad anymore. I am so old and growing tired myself, and so I now see that it is good to finally rest in peace when the proper time arrives. Deliciously, however, my spoiling of Makeda and filling her with my Life's Love, has truly, temporarily rallied her life force and today, she even chased, ( in a ancient and crippled and funny way) chased a cat, slowly. I could hear the cat thinking, "That's your best gait, oh scarey!?!?!?!?"
This from a dog that my son and I cried over the other night, as she truly had embraced death and had 100% given up interacting with life. I pulled her back and am not sure that it is right or wrong, but what I had to do. When I sing now, and I'm singing doggie songs again, she wags her stubby tail, gets embarrassed for me, picks up her latest teddy bear and chews on it. It's great to have most of her back, for awhile. I am unable to take this in, her miraculous revival, other than to show it by singing and kissing her and laughing again.
When she gives up again, I will know that it is time to let her go. Today I took a picture of her staring at pigeons in the garden, trying to use her 'killer gaze' on them. They were not even worried, tho' she used to be their worst nightmare.
posted by
benzinha
on March 25, 2005 at 6:41 PM
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Dearest Abuelita...
I can't think about it, I just can't. Are you okay? I got your letter today. I wrote about it in my post, I was more excited to have something with your handwriting, your paint on the corner, your smell on it almost more then having some money....although I had to go straight to the store. I loved it. I love you, I do. I want to hug you and hug you. You've become so special to me. I'm so sorry. I'm just so very sorry. I know she is old and you will say wise things, but my heart will break for both of you anyway and I will cry. This is what I do. I want to make everything better for you, I adore you so much and you've had so many hard things all at once. Will you think of me and know that I am sending you love love love sometime when you are sad? Think warm huggy safe serene comfort thoughts and I will be there with you for that moment. Then, in that moment, maybe we can make everything okay for both of us.
posted by
Temple
on March 25, 2005 at 9:41 AM
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maj, I love remembering the good times. She has Tanto personality, almost
speaks to me some days. We are two old ladies together. I have been spoiling her so much with fancy spoon fed foods and massages, heat treatments and physical therapy, that she has rallied a bit. This a.m. she was her 'a few weeks ago self'. So, I have a few extra days of selfishness in front of me. But, just a few days, I'm sure. She is so tired of life, dear heart.
posted by
benzinha
on March 24, 2005 at 2:24 PM
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decs, St. John Lucas owns the quote, so
borrow away.......
posted by
benzinha
on March 24, 2005 at 2:21 PM
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I'm very sorry. Remember the good times, Abuelita.
posted by
majroj
on March 24, 2005 at 12:10 PM
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These are touching. May I borrow one of these quotes for my book?
It is the one from St. John Lucas.
posted by
WindTapper
on March 24, 2005 at 5:28 AM
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