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- Go to Rewrite of my poem critiqued by Ariala---is this one better??
Ciel,
Thanks for the great compliment!
posted by
Julia.
on January 5, 2005 at 7:54 AM
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The first version was talking--
This one sings! Really beautiful!
posted by
Ciel
on January 4, 2005 at 11:48 PM
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Thank you Symphony!
posted by
Julia.
on January 3, 2005 at 8:30 AM
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I think this is excellent
well done
I love the words...they flow together beautifully
posted by
_Symphony_
on January 3, 2005 at 1:02 AM
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Katray and Sue,
thank you!
posted by
Julia.
on January 2, 2005 at 5:59 PM
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I love chocolate, but I like spooning too. ;) Seriously, I see the improvements too. Nice work Quirky.
posted by
Katray2
on January 2, 2005 at 5:48 PM
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Beautiful..........
posted by
Star5_
on January 2, 2005 at 5:44 PM
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I shall wait with bated breath.
posted by
Julia.
on January 2, 2005 at 4:58 PM
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Sorry about that, really! LOL I'll do Chris's and then come back to yours.
posted by
Ariala
on January 2, 2005 at 4:55 PM
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Ariala,
Sure...why not!! Got to get that memory of the dreaded "C" out of my head, lol.
posted by
Julia.
on January 2, 2005 at 4:55 PM
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Bravo! Much better...You just proved the essence of showing and not
telling If you want another critique on it, I can do it...I have Chris's poem to do next, and Katray asked if I would revisit the poem she was rewriting. She hasn't submitted it yet, so you'd be after Chris. I'd be glad to tell you more, if you want me too.
Great job!
posted by
Ariala
on January 2, 2005 at 4:45 PM
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