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uniter
thanks so much for your encouragement. I say this often, and I do not mean to sound trite, but your sweet words mean a lot to me. A whole lot lot lot... I am often very scared and awfully confused. I will relish the time when I am lead by joy. Able to put the hell on earth firmly behind me. The other day it dawned on me; I needn't worry so much, soon I will have my choice.
mysteria
posted by
mysteria
on January 1, 2005 at 12:04 PM
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LOOKING OUTWARD
What to do now? I wrote about that in Touched by God. It tells about deep personal loss and how it was resolved. Essentially, it was done through a prossess of letting go of the pain by giving it the needed push, and help from the Divine.
Did you read, Atheists . . .?
You can find happiness. The joy within you wants to be expressed
posted by
Uniter
on December 30, 2004 at 9:25 PM
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Dear Uniter
It is true, it is so damaging. A childs soul. Her heart, her feelings, her developing mind. The uncertainty is everywhere. I die to know relief.
posted by
mysteria
on December 30, 2004 at 7:52 AM
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WHAT TO DO?
How does one stop relating to past pain. We're not talking about pain from a severe injury, like a broken leg, but about something much more damaging; a break, being a physical thing heals. We're referring to something, much more precious. We're talking about abusing the soul of a child.
Fight the good fight
Check out, Atheists KO'ed by Science. It might help a little.
posted by
Uniter
on December 29, 2004 at 9:30 PM
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WHAT TO DO?
How does one stop relating to past pain. We're not talking about pain from a severe injury, like a broken leg, but about something much more damaging; a break, being a physical thing heals. We're referring to something, much more precious. We're talking about abusing the soul of a child.
Fight the good fight
Check out, Atheists KO'ed by Science. It might help a little.
posted by
Uniter
on December 29, 2004 at 9:30 PM
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GoldenMean
Thanks so much for your encouragement and for your recommendations. I don't mean to sound trite, but it means a whole bunch to me.
I think the reason that I am repelled when people show that they care for me, is that I am afraid that if I let them close they will hurt me somehow, like leave me. I am afraid to invest my heart because it feels as though I must shield it from any more harm. I worry that if I find any more pain, it will be too much for me.
It is something that I need to work through, and by using logic, my right mind, I see the ill that I cause myself. Oh! I get so scared! I have found a really good therapist and we have been chipping away at this and that. She is real gentle with me as she knows how delicate I am on some of these issues.
It is such a strange phenomenon... I hear tape recordings of our sessions and I sound just like a little girl! She says I have dissociative identity disorder which is the official name for my tendancy to change personae and also my great ability to protect myself by shielding my consciousness from remembering the traumas endured as a child.
Things are never dull, I tell you that much! I have done some investigating, although minute, into scientology, and I have seen testimonials from people that have really benefitted and become very successful. I am open to the school of thought as well as the hypnosis as therapy as well. It is a lot of work to find my remedies. They are as specific as people are unique. I keep on keepin' on!
posted by
mysteria
on December 27, 2004 at 5:57 PM
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Getting over it-- easier said than done
That seems to be the kernel of your response. And I agree.
You also said:
"They say to be fully relieved of the pain, one must relive it and deal with it and then get over it." This aligns with my readings on the subject, and some small experience. To be specific, there are two belief systems that hold to this doctrine and claim to offer proof. They are 1) hypnotic regression therapy and 2) the auditing process in Scientology. To cloud the issue, they are not allies, but enemies. Scientology denounces hypnotism as dangerous, and hypnotic therapists are either indifferent or hostile to Scientology. But I would recommend either approach. If you try Scientology, do not let them drag you in too deep. They want a great deal of commitment, which I was unwilling to give. I took a couple of Scientology classes long ago and found them to be very enlightening, but I was not willing to continue with the amount of time and money they wanted. I bought their books and withdrew to read and ponder. I have never tried hypnotic regression, but I want to, and I am convinced that it is an excellent way to discover more of one's true self and nullify the effects of past pain. Or, you can just keep forging ahead as you are doing, I am confident that you will succeed in conquering your past and shaping a new future.
posted by
GoldenMean
on December 26, 2004 at 9:00 PM
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scriber
you are correct doll-face, writing is good for me and you too
mysteria
posted by
mysteria
on December 23, 2004 at 9:32 AM
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void is
Hi, thanks for reading my heartspeak and kindly sharing your thoughts. I shall like to visit you too!
posted by
mysteria
on December 23, 2004 at 9:31 AM
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GoldenMean
For a long time I did not think I was really affected by my lack of proper care in my formative years. Then one day, a volcano errupted and since my life has beeen drastically changed. I see from here that all those years I was running like mad from my past and all the haunting.
I am now fully in the mix of the mess and am putting forth heroic effort towards healing and reaching my full potential. Ever since I came to the blog I have felt you to be a source of strength for me. You have showed me much wisdom by way of just being yourself.
*Get over it*, I am not sure if I have heard it, but it is good advice. It is a labyrinth of complex neuro-networkings that I have constructed in my defense that seem to make things more challenging. They say to be fully relieved of the pain, one must relive it and deal with it and then get over it. My imagination has given these monsters much more than a lions share of power. I learn so much every every day. And everyday I find new keys.
I think you will be very proud of me when I get to the other side.
Thanks SO SO SO much for sharing your wealth with me! muuuuah!
bIg LoVe, mysteria
posted by
mysteria
on December 23, 2004 at 9:29 AM
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Mysteria, the Holy Spirit of the triune God is healing me of many things. He's the only one who is there in and all around you. Christian music is very helpful. You're fortunate to have loving eyes drawing you out of your pain. I'll keep you in my prayers.
posted by
cmoe
on December 22, 2004 at 7:46 AM
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mysteria --writing is good for you and anyone. love scriber
posted by
scriber
on December 22, 2004 at 7:27 AM
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Mysteria, good stuff!...If you can't squeeze it out...
you can always write it out...or of!
posted by
void-is
on December 22, 2004 at 4:53 AM
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Mysteria
When people show their sincere care for you, why does it repel you? This makes no sense to me.
You were abused as a child. That is extremely sad. But now you, YOU, are letting it ruin your life. You must find a way to get over it. How long should a person be allowed to use his/her childhood as an excuse? Only as long as they are a child. I don't think you are a child anymore. You are a beautiful, intelligent, passionate woman.
Love and concern from others are a precious gift. And sadly, they are very rare. So when they are offered, you must learn how to accept them. Don't you see, they give you a chance to leave your past behind. I have done this myself many times. The ugly caterpillar transforms into a beautiful butterfly.
The Eagles have a somewhat irreverent song, that liberals probably hate. The title is: "Get Over It". But it may be before your time. Have you heard that one?
posted by
GoldenMean
on December 21, 2004 at 10:25 PM
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