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- Go to Having Fun--But Not "The One"
Beachbelle took my comment right out of my head! But I've already established that I'm not not much of a dater!
posted by
Holy_Grail
on December 1, 2004 at 4:40 PM
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Not so sure loanlady
Most single people will tell you that they get more attention from the opposite sex when they're dating someone than when they're not. So maybe you increase your chances of meeting "the one" by dating someone you know is not "the one"
posted by
jollyjeff
on December 1, 2004 at 2:47 PM
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Something better passes you by when you are busy entangled. Given the limited time on earth I would choose to wait for someone who I really loved rather than settle for a warm body. Even if you don't want children or marriage- ( me for example have been there, done both and had those great things) you still can want a great realtionship with someone you love and they love you back
posted by
the-loanlady
on December 1, 2004 at 1:50 PM
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Jolljeff...You are asking good questions here...
This one is very complex actually. As a general rule the right choice is obviously to cut it off immediately when you discover that your long range plans, your feelings, or motivations are different. It's not always that simple though.
For example, there was this Gal, we got along fantastic! Everything was great except she was 35 and wanted kids desperately, I had already done that and was not inclined to repeat it. I leveled with her. Set her free to go find Mr. dad...but she wouldn't leave. She kept insisting I was the one and I kept insisting I wasn't and in the meantime...we still got along great. She knew I wasn't going to change my mind and I didn't want to be the reason her dreams of children were not realized....but we were too attached nonetheless. It was actually quite awful. I kept telling her to leave me alone, go find "the one", and she kept coming back like a boomerrang and I liked her too much to tell her "NO". Finally, I just refused to see her anymore, for her own good. As long as she was hooked on me she was not capable of finding "the one." It was sad, but I had to break all ties. This whole process lasted for three years. We we never actually a couple because we were always trying to not be together, even though we were.
I should have dissmissed her in the beginning when she first mentioned children...but at that time I had no way of knowing where it would go. We were just going to "hang out" and do things together, whats the harm in that? Besides...had she truly been the one for me I probably would have considered kids again, who knows. Bottom line is this...if you know it isn't going to work out tell them immediatly and do not compromise unless you want to be guilty of hurting someone even more in the long run.
posted by
A_Norseman
on November 28, 2004 at 4:21 PM
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I agree...
I also agree with beachbelle here...
Have you ever seen a girl and a guy out together? Would you approch a girl who is out with someone else? Not likely, so it may destroy any good opertunities you might get.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on November 28, 2004 at 4:03 PM
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I agree...
I also agree with beachbelle here...
Have you ever seen a girl and a guy out together? Would you approch a girl who is out with someone else? Not likely, so it may destroy any good opertunities you might get.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on November 28, 2004 at 4:02 PM
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NOW THAT DEPENDS...
It would be ok IF you make it clear up front that you don't have an interest in a lifelong commitment with this person(when you have determined this). If you are both ok with this, fine. Have a nice, friendly, or whatever, relationship.
Otherwise, I would say no, if you are just planning on stringing someone along till something better comes along.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on November 28, 2004 at 3:59 PM
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If something isn't right
move on because every moment spent with someoen who is not quite right puts you out of reach of someone who is
posted by
beachbelle
on November 28, 2004 at 3:48 PM
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Yes, but you can find whatever you desire and want. However...
are you able to deal the side-effects of that decision?
I am a firm believer in reaping what you sow. So, if a person is in one relationship while looking for another one, you will put yourself on the road towards palindromic relationships. When you find that one, the tables change. You become the person on the outs and she your new find, hopefully, the one, becomes just like you, looking for someone else while in a relationship. It continues happening all the time. Because when the shoe is on the other foot, as your post aptly addresses, she wasn't the one. You're in the driver's seat. To be put in the passenger seat instead will give a whole new meaning for the statement, 'Here's your stop.' Don't put yourself on that road.
In other word, cut your ties and move on. This is the most confident way to walk and women can quit calling men dogs.
Great post.
posted by
amazman
on November 28, 2004 at 3:36 PM
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Ok this happened to me recently...
Total sweetheart of a guy, but very clingy way too quick. He introduced me to his kids and ex wife on our 2nd date! I still went on a few more, because again. Totally nice guy. I love nice guys. But then everything he did that was slightly annoying became highly annoying. I had a choice. I could continue on because he's good for me and a nice guy, then someday totally break his heart by saying I couldn't take it anymore. Or I could break it off before it ever really got started. I opt for the hurt a little now and get it over with. Why wait? You know it isn't going to work. Why wait until they are drop dead in love with you and then drop a bomb that could devastate. This is my opinion of course. But I can't live a lie. I'm either really into someone or not.
posted by
RedHeadedGypsy
on November 28, 2004 at 2:58 PM
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