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Denial
It's no fun. It hurts everyone. It makes things messy, foggy and insincere. It protects for a little while. Someone usually can see through it, at least after awhile. It's very subtle. It's very stubborn. It can ruin my day. It can help me in crisis times, again, for awhile.
My guess is that there is denial going on, and the physical addictive pull of alcohol going on as well, inside of her body and brain. Alcoholism takes a hard toll on women's bodies, but no one sees it, often until it's too late. Addictive behavior is very deceptive, and for me that truth is very scary and treacherous to work around.
Whatever it is that causes her "memory loss", keep staying detached and keep working toward clarity in your own mind and heart, so her denial doesn't begin to deceive you too.
From experience with the same 
,
SmileRose
posted by
SmileRose
on May 29, 2003 at 3:51 AM
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I think of my alcoholic
love, who weaves through my mind with reminders of the highest moments and the lowest, as two people, neither of whom I can be near. One a sober Hal, kind, intelligent, a dream gentleman. The other a drunk Hal, a rogue, billigerant, cheating, sob. Sure he loves me, I just deserve the sober guy all the time. Not possible, no Hal. It took a long time to reach that point and I cry to write it. but if it helps You, it needs to be said. I am not less because of him, he is less because he lost me. Peace M
posted by
maralite
on May 28, 2003 at 6:38 PM
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MARA
Yes, I have heard that as well. Sadly, that fact in itself makes me feel unworthy. If my own mother can find hate in her heart for me, why should I love myself?
I thank you deeply for your prayers and your encouragement.
posted by
Jemmie211
on May 28, 2003 at 6:26 PM
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Jemmie
I once heard said that alcoholics mean what they say when they say it, they just have no connection between one moment and the next. She probably doesn't remember-- that makes her less-- not You. What do You realistically think You are going to get from an active alcoholic? Take care of You. You are in my prayers. 
M
posted by
maralite
on May 28, 2003 at 3:16 PM
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