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Anger
Have you considered finding a safe outlet for your anger rather than on your children? I don't recommend bottling it up. You need to work through the anger to get to what is on the other side of it. Your kids need to know it is ok to get angry and how to cope with their own anger in other ways than taking it out on loved ones.
Geez, I have some strong feelings on this subject. I probably should save them for a blog rather than taking them out on you, especially since some of them are probably misdirected to your situation.
Good luck and stay strong.
posted by
Whim
on August 22, 2004 at 1:56 AM
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You know Anger or Mad
is a human emotion. A real human emotion
Mad, Glad, Sad and Scared
These are the 4 basic human emotions
Hurt = Mad and sad together
Other "feelings" are other combinations
First of all I am speaking below from a place that I am dissociated.
I am not speaking for myself because I am the abused, not the abuser
Not the alchoholic who raged at his children, but the child himself
OK
I heard about this Anger thing in AA AND it doesn't exist in any
other 12 step program. The resentment thing DOES exist in all
other programs but it is not coupled with anger
Anger is not an acceptable feeling I have come to know in my life
This does not stop it from being a real human emotion or anything like that
The thing of it is, the underlying feeling from our abandonement, which
is our core CORE ISSUE is RAGE and even more core than that is SAD SAD
The Anger or RAGE covers the sadness like it's a sandwich or a slice of bread. We have to get through or past the anger to get to the real meat, which is sad sad sad sad SAD SAD SAD because as a baby we were abused, this is where it all starts from, we were abandoned by whomebver raised us, By being an achoholic, drug addict whatever, we put our own ABUSE above our childrens and then acted it out against them, our wives etc. Until the CYCLE OF ABUSE is stopped, it will continue until the end of time, over and over and over again.
Example: If a man beats his wife and ythey have children, say a son
That son will swear he would NEVER beat his wife and he grows up to be a wife beater. WHY ? Because it is learned behaviour. As children we learn from watching and listening.
The opposite end of being an adult child of an alchoholic is at the minimum Codependancy because our lives as a child, as children were so out of control and so out of OUR control, we need to be in control and many times to 'TAKE CARE OF" or care take OTHER people outside of ourselves who clearly (IN OUR MINDS) can't take care of themselves
But they WILL resent you for it, not matter what they say or how they act. Passive Aggressive.
I'll stop now. That's a lot to take in
I hope you can feel your anger is a safe way and can get past it to your true core issue of abandonement and truly feel your sadness for the horrible way in which you were treated. I am on your side here and hope you realize that, whether you can or not is your choice
BUT I BELIEVE IN YOU !
Peace
David
posted by
David_S
on August 21, 2004 at 8:17 AM
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thank you for posting this and others
because I have just split up with my huband recently because he is a drinker............your posts help me understand from his point of view...........
posted by
_Symphony_
on August 21, 2004 at 7:58 AM
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