Comments on An American in Rio, first day of school, beehives and Norse twins

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Sweet Abuelita, I knew it was right to ask you the question.

Before he left, he did start talking like military guy (different from good ole Billy and navy lieutenant). It is more severe now, the minute he got there in fact. Cowboy cargo. Being in the navy and in logistics, I keep thinking he'll be settled somewhere. Safe...er. I forget he's with the Army now, and he's beginning to really think like a soldier. I tell him to do whatever he needs to do to get through it, but maybe I didn't even really recognize what it was he needed to do.

I never thought about my letters like that before...a true north. I thought maybe they might be silly or irritating...like I wasn't taking the situation seriously or something. That I didn't understand. Then, I felt guarded. Knowing what he can't say...remembering what he has said...having faith and giving the benefit of the doubt...this is my challenge, truly. My lesson.

Thank you for letting me come to you with this. No one around me understands. The girls I know left, or have harsh views of love. I needed a spiritual answer to a practical question from someone who understands. :)

posted by Temple on May 16, 2004 at 3:16 AM | link to this | reply

Temple, there are always major restrictions on writing from censored areas.

So, that's the first problem, so much that he can't say. He's never had his words so severely examined by his own mind before sending them off, it stymies him for awhile, figuring out how to do it. Then there is the newer and 'more serious' military mindset that everyone around him has adopted for show and tell and existing in a war zone....he has now put it on, too, must do so to make it through this.

He could be breezy and cheesy and lovey and dovey in a non war zone, but a war zone changes the colors of a soldier's wardrobe palette from winter to summer and that changes his-her thinking, too. They become "other" and don't mean to, but they do.

You, on the other hand, must remain the same.....your letters will seem silly and shallow and wonderful and irrelevant and deeply appreciated and necessary for mental health by Billy, because it is a soldier's point of orientation, true north, true things, true love, true America, true home. They cannot write you back as they wrote you before, all is different now. It's why so many writers give up on soldiers; it's not the penpal you signed up for who writes the war zone letters. Your understanding what he can't say, remembering what he has said in the past is necessary now.

I'm sorry.

posted by benzinha on May 16, 2004 at 2:21 AM | link to this | reply

Is it normal that in spite of the lack of major "action" ...

...he is a totally different person from just before he left the country? Our conversations that week at Ft. Bliss...the night before he left...so good. Close. Talks of the future. I don't know what to expect, and his emails are so...sterile and guarded. He won't talk about it in detail, what it's like there, or about the future. I want to keep writing the way I normally do, but it's hard when his response is what it is. I've never done this before. I don't know how to be.

posted by Temple on May 16, 2004 at 1:59 AM | link to this | reply

voz unico, Thanks for the nice 'super details' comment....I feel all warm

and fuzzy from it....

posted by benzinha on May 15, 2004 at 11:29 PM | link to this | reply

Temple, I was praying that he never would, not ever get his wish. Men!

Maybe I'll light two candles and put my prayers for him on both, more power needed. RAts....I only wanted him to get carpal tunnel in both wrists and not much else.....from daily data duty!

posted by benzinha on May 15, 2004 at 11:28 PM | link to this | reply

Sue and Wiley, Thanks for stopping by and leaving a footprint......

posted by benzinha on May 15, 2004 at 11:25 PM | link to this | reply

i loved this, too. what super details! you still stick out for the same reasons.

posted by univox on May 15, 2004 at 3:48 PM | link to this | reply

mortar*

posted by Temple on May 15, 2004 at 3:42 PM | link to this | reply

Abuelita, Billy got his wish.

His compound was hit by mortor fire yesterday. See news stories that talk about the Green Zone, that's where he is. It scared him and I think he is ready for boring again.

posted by Temple on May 15, 2004 at 3:41 PM | link to this | reply

posted by WileyJohn on May 15, 2004 at 6:23 AM | link to this | reply

Just to say hi

posted by Star5_ on May 14, 2004 at 12:33 AM | link to this | reply

Temple, live long enough and search out life's wonders and you too will

have as many and as varied a base of experiences as I have gathered around me....grandchildren make me remember childhood and its magic. I tap into their awe and wonder and live through the looks on their faces as I show them things. Fun for the elderly.

posted by benzinha on May 13, 2004 at 10:52 PM | link to this | reply

Soul Grandmother thanks you firahz for your kindness. I like your prose,

too and I like your family which makes you crazy....as does everyone's, I'm sure....I came up to babysit Mom today and her antibiotic dispensing, computerized pump quit on her and sent everyone into a panic, I remained calm, as it is always the only and last position left open to me.....our soulgreatgrandmother...may she live forever, or as long as she wishes.

posted by benzinha on May 13, 2004 at 10:49 PM | link to this | reply

LadyKenobi, the sun is hard to NOT use as imagery around here. Not much

else but cactus to call upon. But, those twins did carry the sun in their faces, no one ignored a smile from those two, it opened up your face and forced you to smile back like a garden flower in Springtime.

posted by benzinha on May 13, 2004 at 10:45 PM | link to this | reply

Sue9457, memories are what we carry inside us when suitcases become too

full of material things to carry around. You who travel understand this, I'm sure. Thanks for reading and commenting.

posted by benzinha on May 13, 2004 at 10:43 PM | link to this | reply

thanks homegirl, I like your stories, too.

posted by benzinha on May 13, 2004 at 10:41 PM | link to this | reply

oh, and moondawg, I have a kangaroo skirt, not a poodle skirt. I still have

it. It can handle about ten crinoline petticoats underneath it and is of polished blue cotton. There is a three dimensional mother kangaroo sewn onto it. She is handpainted in browns. She holds two knitting needles in her hands and has an argyle sock half knitted and attached to the needles, the yarn is hidden inside her pouch. Quite the conversation outfit! Poodles were for the girls with no imagination.

posted by benzinha on May 13, 2004 at 10:41 PM | link to this | reply

moondawg, glad to be of some inspiration to you....beehives, a good thing

to have gone into that distant past. I did let my hair down after that and looked more like the Brasilian girls who were so fashionable. Thaks for stopping and reading and commenting.

posted by benzinha on May 13, 2004 at 10:37 PM | link to this | reply

I love that, soulgrandmother...that is excellent.

Just like this story! Just what I needed. You have had such a big life, so varied and wonderful. What a joy you must be for your grandchildren, Abuelita.

posted by Temple on May 13, 2004 at 9:21 PM | link to this | reply

gr8 story, benzinha

you have such a way with creating such vivid imagery with your words. i will be gracing your prose more often. take care, soulgrandmother. :)

posted by firahz on May 13, 2004 at 3:02 PM | link to this | reply

rhinestones RULE

"umbrellas in the sun" and "sun in their faces"=GORGEOUS WRITING

must be you and that Southwestern sun, I am jealous. We have sun here, but it's all drippy.

posted by LadyKenobi on May 13, 2004 at 1:27 PM | link to this | reply

comment

Beautiful story.......like u say simple things makes us happy and love. Hugs.

posted by Star5_ on May 13, 2004 at 7:44 AM | link to this | reply

GREAT STORY

posted by homegirl on May 13, 2004 at 6:39 AM | link to this | reply

What no poodle skirt?

You have pretty much given your age a way to me with your delightful story. Here in New Mexico the Mexican ladies quite good at piling their dark black hair high upon their heads. Some would look almost like the palace guards in London. I was glad to see the days of the beehive pass. It was much more pleasant to feel the light touch of a girls long flowing hair upon ones cheek than to have ones cheeks sandpapered.
Thanks for your visit to my humble site and now that I've been able to find your delightful place will be coming by often. And thanks for your comment, the things that you said and something that happened yesterday will provide the material for my howling at the moon site today.