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Benzinha
As of now I don't work for others. Did briefly on what we thought was permanent, but it was a miscommunication between the employer and the agency. Still looking. I am nocturnal, so I am most productive at night when it comes to writing...and a lot of other things. Too bad I can't run most of my errands late at night! I usually do ponder things through out the day and jot them down, and then write it out later. Billy's time being so far removed from mine does contribute sometimes to my hours, the most extreme ones of late, but even without that I just am a night person. Always have been. He can tell you how un-tired I am at 3 in the morning! When I work for others, I adapt...and I try to keep it as balanced as I can.
I do tend to think too much, it's a gift and a curse. I know Billy has some of the same lessons for me that your African man had for you, and I try to be a good student, but not being together in person makes things so much harder for me. We've always known we had much to learn from each other.
posted by
Temple
on April 19, 2004 at 12:21 PM
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Temple, I agree with what cunninglinguist said about HALT. You are always
there at three a.m., when I finish with my clay and read some newly posted blogs just before beddy bye. I can set my own hours, not working for others, so I arise at 9 a.m. and work until one or two and then read some blogs, or read just after awaking, such as now.
Don't you work for others and have 'regular hours'? Seems to me and CL that you are trying to figure out really important things when you are pooped at the end of a long day. Or maybe, you think them out all day and just write them down at night. But, you are up so very late, baby girl....maybe because your boy's time line is far removed from your own, dunno.
But, I used to think my relationships to death and all it did was make me think over much, not move anything forward or backward.....until I met my African man, who changed my life entirely. He taught me more silence and stillness in living, acceptance and just being. It was a wonderful peaceful place to live and to love.
I had never met anyone who lived entirely in the moment and it was wonderful. Eventually, over the period of four years, America taught him to overthink and have sleeping problems and concentration issues and he had to go home to heal, poor baby. My suggestion to you would be, to be a little less American then....commit to 'open' communication and not much else.....this is good.
posted by
benzinha
on April 19, 2004 at 10:49 AM
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Hi Foxy!
I did something nice for myself today, and I'm working on the everyday thing. ;)
posted by
Temple
on April 15, 2004 at 11:08 PM
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I love "The Prophet" and I hope you really do something nice for yourself, eveyday!
posted by
FoxyBlue
on April 15, 2004 at 6:32 PM
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CL
Not really turmoil, although I'm no stranger to that, but just life. It's okay, really. I hash it all out here, but it's my therapy. I fake it through being tired and all the brain injury shit really well, D, so don't think I do this so much better than you. We've talked since this comment, and I know where your heart is. Thank you for looking out for me. Even crackhead hookers need a little love!
It means a lot that you like it and you see me how you do. Kiss Macy for me. 
posted by
Temple
on April 14, 2004 at 8:09 PM
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So much turmoil, my friend
We both seem to have insomnia, but yours is a proactive insomnia. Your body seems to thrive off of your mind's restlessness, which isn't necessarily a good thing under these circumstances. I don't know if you're familiar with the HALT Principle, but it states that you should try not to take inventory on your life or make major life decisions if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. The reason being you can't accurately assess your situation when coming at it from a negative energy base. You've been so tired lately and yet so filled with the gambit of emotions that your mind is on overdrive. Please don't interpret this as criticism, it's just me wanting you to take care of yourself.
The writing itself is superb in this entire blog. You really lay yourself out there for your readers, and this blog inspired me to try something similar. I thank you for that and for being the genuine article. Happiness is inevitable for you, this is just a studder-step in the dance.
posted by
CunningLinguist
on April 14, 2004 at 8:41 AM
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There is an Indecision part I, I posted two close together.
Just to answer a coupla questions. :)
posted by
Temple
on April 13, 2004 at 10:06 AM
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beedle
I didn't think you thought that. I think getting angry can really make things toxic...well, the wrong kind of anger I guess. He really is worth the effort.
posted by
Temple
on April 13, 2004 at 9:18 AM
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not that I think he's an asshole - i just think how much healthier it is to live in your frame of mind right now. so easy to fall into name calling.
leafs lead series 2-1 now, beat them in ottawa, take that. game was a nail biter. belfour's going to be sainted soon. colorado losing one just means they have to work a little harder, not get through too clean, be a little exhausted. that's good. cause we're going to be black and blue (get a look at Tucker soon).
posted by
beedle
on April 13, 2004 at 7:56 AM
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beedle
I'm not sure if I've come to the point in my life where I can just more easily see what he's going through, or if he's really such a good man and has been good to me...we all struggle and make mistakes...that I don't feel anger at him. Just sadness at the situation. In fact, there has never been a time where I've hung up the phone with him and called him an asshole or anything like that. I'm sure he'd say, that at some point I would. Maybe.
It's true that we still lead the series, but I HATE losing to Dallas ever...much less on their home ice. The Leafs lead the series right, yes? Take care sweet beedle.
posted by
Temple
on April 13, 2004 at 7:34 AM
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to believe that having him in your life has been better than not having him in your life is amazing, rather than just saying, What an asshole. feel the wind today, and remember that a game is just a game, but not the whole series.
posted by
beedle
on April 13, 2004 at 6:45 AM
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Bella
That's good that you can do that. I have a hard time. Besides, writing is where I hash it all out so I can figure it out or let it go...so the details inevitably come out there. Cathartic really.
posted by
Temple
on April 13, 2004 at 1:08 AM
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I think I notice details and nuances even if I don't remark on them all
posted by
beachbelle
on April 13, 2004 at 1:04 AM
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billy
I agree he may not know how to integrate me into his life, and I think we all have to teach ourselves how to handle happiness at some point. I think the big questions are already easy to answer, it's our fear that stops us from taking the necessary steps. A philosopher can think about the meaning of life all day while chipping paint, and talk about it at night with his buddies. We are multi-faceted creatures, you know. ;)
posted by
Temple
on April 13, 2004 at 12:50 AM
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Bella
You make sense. I love the details in life and feel like if I look at the big picture too much, I forget to enjoy those. The key is always balance. You are right. I think too much. Been that way since I was a kid ;)
posted by
Temple
on April 13, 2004 at 12:45 AM
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sweet temple...you deserve more than confusion
and a swimming head. maybe your boy doesn't know how to integrate someone new into his life or even how to handle happiness. Maybe there should be a wall to stare at or an opportunity to shift the focus for a few days. these things i find help me. sometimes the minutia of the daily grind should be our focus. That makes the big questions easier to answer. A philospher thinks all day about the meaning of life...a deck seaman gets done chipping paint then goes to the beach to drink beer with his friends.
posted by
FreeManWalking
on April 13, 2004 at 12:38 AM
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In some ways I feel that you analyse things far too much but on the other hand maybe you just put under the microscope what many feel but do not take time to do. Call me shallow but I think we can give too much energy to the elements under the microscope and miss the big picture. I am not saying you do that - not at all - but some things should be left to flow over or through us, unremarked upon. Sounds like a plan to pamper yourself in small ways. Sorry if I don't make any sense.
posted by
beachbelle
on April 13, 2004 at 12:30 AM
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