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Benzinha -- I just saw this!
The poem was so wonderful. You write so beautifully, thank you for finding it for me. As far as links, there is help in the community section that tells how to do it. I may try soon! Thanks for this.
posted by
Temple
on March 27, 2004 at 7:05 PM
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I don't know how to do links either!!!!
posted by
benzinha
on March 24, 2004 at 3:06 AM
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Here is my poem
PUMA'S PATH
With a broken hoe I hammer the earth
in the shade of a mesquite tree.
Stones gathered from his home,
into my car
in my heart
in my garden, I hammer.
This hole in the earth
the hole in my heart
the hole in my life
fills with tears.
I place one stone in one hole,
sweat and tears stinging my eyes.
We did not bury him,
he has no stone,
no carved name to visit and
I hammer the musty earth
and place another stone.
The grave stone carver's son
has no stone, only these that I half bury
aimlessly.
His father hammered stone
as I hammer this earth.
The stones begin to meander
into the garden and then
circle the tree as I hide
from the desert sun in its shade.
Drums beat a solemn rhythm
as ghosts circle my tree
treading on my stones
and I hammer the earth to their beat.
Arab women take the earth from my hands
as they circle and throw it on me
wailing out my sorrow.
The day of the dead is mine
now as I form a path
to my heart's altar,
the path of the puma,
shade sheltered,
to call him into my garden to rest near me.
I decided when I came to the BN to try to be everyone's Grandmother, the one that they wished that they had and I imitate my Mom a bit. so, just before I post, rather than jump on people who are wrong or chastise youth or say untruths, I try to stop and think about what a good grandmother would say and counsel.
We only have this moment and we can see it many ways. I choose to see moments in their best possible light or try to change the moment softly into a better moment for all concerned. Our lives are what we make them. Thank you for your kind comments on my blog.
posted by
benzinha
on March 24, 2004 at 3:03 AM
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benzinha, you know what I wish?
That I had someone in my life everyday like you. You have such great inspiration, insight, wisdom. I'm honored that you take the time to read me and give comments. No b.s. there, it's true. I've not had anyone to help me with my burdens in life, this is way it was given to me. I think now I am afraid to let anyone in. This arena does help me do that in ways I can't do in person, yet. I feel lucky to have received the support I have here, and it does help me find new ways to deal with old issues. My father, my whole family, is so big and complicated and all consuming (if I let it be). I wish I knew where to go to let go of the anger and old baggage, but new baggage keeps coming up. I hope if I put my intentions and thought on it, I will be able to love him unconditionally and open myself up to new worlds. I have done it some, not enough but some, and seen the fruit it bears. I try to always be the bigger person because that is my spiritual belief. It's just so damn hard! Your voice is one I will treasure on this journey. Thank you a thousand times. I couldn't find your Puma poem, I don't know how to do links either, but if you find it, tell me where to look and I will go there.
posted by
Temple
on March 23, 2004 at 9:53 PM
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Temple, what CunningLinguist said, times two. For your own sake......
This post is so poignant, heart ripping and sad. Humans are the only animals who can communicate fully, having huge vocabularies to cover all circumstances and yet, fail.....pity us. All we have is kindness in these moments. I find myself saying this in every comments section tonight, that we must help each other by shouldering each other's burdens....
If you throw your anger away, and it can be done, then another world opens up to you. Open yourself up to that world. Just love him unconditionally, it's all that is left to you in the time that is left to you....and then he will be gone. I was angry with my dad, very angry, for decades and yet was able, upon his death to write my Puma's Path poem. Maybe you could go read it and find the unconditional love that I found and tried to express there, for my dad.
posted by
benzinha
on March 23, 2004 at 2:54 AM
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I've been lagging on comments and reading since the folks were here.
Thank you all so much for your support and kind words.
beedle: I'm glad if I could provide some inspiration. Thanks for reading :)
Foxy: That's right, you used to live here! I hope I can help relive some of your warm beachy memories. Thank you for all your support.
CL: Dear friend, who I've missed these last few days, beautiful quote. I love it. You provide such support and inspirational words. I do forgive for me, but it's so unbelievably hard. I don't know how to send the whole thing out to sea, but it will come to me. This cookie is for you :)
billy: That is so true. Over time, when there are good times, it is easier to remember what we loved, not what tormented us. These days at the beach have been good for all of us. Brings peace to the soul and quiet to the mind.
I promise to catch up on reading and posting soon. Smooches to all of you!
posted by
Temple
on March 22, 2004 at 6:37 PM
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beautiful post temple...
i have hard times too with my family realizing why i'm pissed off occasionally. enjoy the moments you can and stamp out the rest. in the end when you look at the Pacific you'll have good memories of your father...we're like that
posted by
FreeManWalking
on March 22, 2004 at 1:40 PM
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Don't forgive him for his sake, Temple, forgive him for yours. You never stand in the same ocean twice, and your dad isn't the same person he was. The pain he has caused you in the past needs to stay in the past or else it will continue to contaminate your present relationship, which, unfortunately, seems to be pressed for time. You especially know that Now is the only time that really exists. You've been given an opportunity here to make peace. Even if he is incapable of finding it within himself to make things right, you should make peace for yourself by letting your anger rollout with the tide, for your own benefit.
"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it."- Mark Twain
posted by
CunningLinguist
on March 22, 2004 at 9:43 AM
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Good Morning! I love Mission Beach! Lovely read! Sorry to hear anout your Dad!
posted by
FoxyBlue
on March 22, 2004 at 6:06 AM
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you've made me realize the other half of the reason I'm doing this blog it thing. good morning.
posted by
beedle
on March 22, 2004 at 6:00 AM
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