Diary of a Fat Girl

After a fretful night of sleep, I managed to oversleep, Kate missed the bus, and it's raining, which means, that on this day, when I had planned to stay in my pink and black polka dotted jammies all day, I must change. I must change because, my husband will be home soon.. not that he cares, he brought the jammies, but it also means, that my brother, who lives 1/4 of a mile up the street, my father, 1/4 of a mile, and my mom, who is a nurse on her day off, will somehow all manage to find their... Sign in to see full entry.

Now in reading what I had previously written, I realized with a deep black dread, that I had not even begun to look for a swimsuit. Oh God!! I had the mismatched 2 piece that I laid out on the very private back deck at home, and a few from my last beach escapade, but I wanted something new. I;ve been going through some lifestyle changes lately, I guess it's the whole fast approaching 30 thing. I wanted something elegant. HAHAHAH Do they make an elegant swim suit? The thought made me want to just... Sign in to see full entry.

I have sat here for the last hour or so reading what I've written. It's hard to believe that it's been almost 2 years. Ironically, I'm 3 weeks away from going to Myrtle Beach again.... I 've lost 22 lbs, gone to the gym, gained back 5, lost a job, almost lost my husband to a stroke this past January, and I still can't find any damn capris that fit!!! Sooo Sooo bad, I wanted this lovely pair of black linen capris from Old Navy. Apparantly, I missed some cruel joke that said if you had hips and a... Sign in to see full entry.

I took a break from writing.. I started a new job. It's all good, however, I go through that ever agonizing process of finding something that looks good and also dosen't cut me totally off from breathing. HAHAHAH!! Does such a thing exsist? Now take into consideration it's November in Virginia....translation... it was 85 degrees today, however saturday it's suppose to be in the low 40's. So, do I stick with the ever popular capris or should I break down and pull out those blessed black pants?... Sign in to see full entry.

So sorry I have not written in so long... We managed to go to the beach for a week which was an experience in itself. The first day there, I stayed off of the beach, we didn't get there until the afternoon, so I sat on the porch and watched. I knew deep down that I would not be able to avoid the sand the next day and the days that followed.. after all, I had forked out money to get faked baked, high lighted, on so on and so on... I woke up sunday morning with a sense of dread. Bob seemed... Sign in to see full entry.

I laid the suit on my bed and walked into the bathroom to tackle my hair. Ahh, my hair, it was my best feature by far, and I babied it constantly. It went over half way down my back and curled up at the ends. I faithfully got the auburn locks highlighted with streaks of brown and gold ala J. Lo style every 2 months. I brushed it and primped for a minuet in the mirror, avoiding looking at the rest of my body. When my favorite song came on the radio, I admit, I did bust out a few moves while I was... Sign in to see full entry.

I woke up the next morning, proud of myself that I had skipped the oreos, ice cream, and anything else bad. I even rewarded myself by laying there an extra 5 minuets. I finally sat up and the moment my feet hit the floor I was starving! I stomped my foot in frustration. Just a second ago I had convinced myself that I wasn't hungry. I got up and walked into Kate's room to get her up. She wasn't in her bed and for a split second I panicked until I heard her in the kitchen. "Hi baby" I looked at... Sign in to see full entry.

I walked out of the bedroom and went off into the kitchen in search of something for dinner..... Ahhhh the wonderful world of meals. I woke up in the mornings starving, and immediatly began to think of what I had in the fridge to snack on for the drive into work. Hmmmmmm. I could certainly begin my day trying to be good and have one of those lovvely pre-made chocolate Slim-Fast drinks. Oh well, at this point in the day I had ruined trying to be good, so I cancelled thoughts of breakfast and went... Sign in to see full entry.

I really wanted a pair of capri pants! I had looked in almost every shop in the mall and they were either to tight, too long, or just flat out ugly. One pair I tried on actually made me resemble a pineapple. I left feeling throughlly disgusted and sick with the knowledge that I had to head off to the gym. Over the last year or so I had gone to the gym off and on.... more off than on. I started out really strong, even working out with a trainer. My trainer, Marc, was a nice enough guy, who had a... Sign in to see full entry.

I didn't start out big. In fact, I was a pretty slender teenager, and I even won a few swim suit competitions. I was on top of the world. I went to the gym everyday, ate right, worked hard, partied harder. I got pregnant at the age of 19 and even managed to control my weight gain through that and for a while afterwards. Oh, I gained a few pounds here and there, and in 1996 when I got married for the first time I was at a comfortable 160. It was during this first disastrous marriage that my... Sign in to see full entry.