beautifull

Friday, July 1, 2022

Winning?

He said you dont know how to win.... What is that exactly? Currently im paying someone to help me win I had a voice once upon a time but i was alone I thought i found a human to share life with, i didnt see the gaslighting It wasnt hidden, i thought it was sweet, i thought it meant he cared I didnt... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, June 30, 2022

Bully

You tried to bully me, again You were corrected by someone else other than me This time you have to listen, this time you cant bulldoze over me I dont want to fight you and this time i didnt have to You act so humble, Thank you you say, You didnt have to you say The next day.... I didnt think you... Sign in to see full entry.

You tell

YOU didnt ask, you preferred not to ask You told, why shouldnt i just let you do what you want Youve done it your entire life, you tell and then you do I answered the missing question and said no I told you what i was willing to do You threatened once again to punish the kids Ill make it up to them... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Crowds

Theres a crowd, you are surrounded by a crowd.... everyone behaves, its polite. The one that is mine chooses the crowd.... I miss being that ones main person but life changes and they grow up and choose new main people. You become the second person or third still important never gone but not the... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, May 5, 2022

O the anxiety

Im not ok. I am broken inside, i do not trust many and i dont know how to. I do not know how to communicate at times without feeling triggered. I cook, i clean, i get up early, i make the breakfast, i wake the kids, they can get dressed alone, they feed themselves, still have to check 3 times at... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 23, 2022

I was not

I broke the silence. I told people, lots of people my secrets. I told the dirty details of the crimes i committed. I shared my mistakes, my regrets, i spoke of the punshiments dealt to me for these things. Things that took place before our vows, not before us but before the vows, the rings, the... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, March 21, 2022

I didn't know

Before you came into the picture there was a different version of me. Before he left me there was a different version of me I loved him, he was my one, he was supposed to be my last person I didn't know i had become so isolated, i didn't realize that i was so busy chasing what i wanted that i had... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 16, 2022

A wall

The guilt trip you gave me was right on. I should have called more, made you feel like i couldnt live without you. I should have brushed my teeth before getting into bed, you shouldnt have had to smell my onion breath....it wasnt fair that you needed to point it out to me It wasnt fair of my friends... Sign in to see full entry.

Better to be dumb then wrong

Why am i sad? It was a simple mistake, a non issue. Hes not upset, well he was but for a millasecond... it wasnt intentional. Why was i bothered still? I wanted to cry, i left, i needed to go away before i cried. A mistake a tiny mistake, i paid literally to fix it, stressed out over it. Why the... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, September 16, 2021

Tonight

Its date night. My boyfriend and I are kid free one night every other week and tonight is our night. It has been an emotionally draining week for me. From an encounter with the ex, that left me reeling. To unsettling words for the legal system. Gathering our daughters clothing last night bought by... Sign in to see full entry.

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