Caine's Compendium of Misinformation

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Ode to a Ceaseless Nerd

Billy Dorkman was a nerd. At least that’s what he’d always heard. He’d learned the sting of that harsh word, And other names that he endured. His mother wiped away the tears, And taught him to abide his peers. He came, in time, to shun the sneers. He grew and strengthened through the years. He never... Sign in to see full entry.

Polar Bears are Destroying our Planet! (A Fiction??)

“A 2002 analysis of NASA satellite data from 1979-1999 showed that areas of Antarctica where ice was increasing outnumbered areas of decreasing ice roughly 2:1.” [1] Of course, since then, Bush and Haliburton have destroyed most of it. But for the purposes of this paper, we will accept that the ice... Sign in to see full entry.

Profiling is Wrong, or is it?

Just the other day, as I was hanging out at the local schoolyard, I was brutally harassed by the cops. I mean, there I was, minding my own business, just watching the little boys play, you know. I wasn’t, like, taking pictures or anything. So, anyway, I hate when I forget to put fresh batteries in... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Theoretically Relative...

In the beginning there was Bob... Once upon a time, well, not really, because time did not yet exist, but, relatively speaking, about 13.7 billion years ago, there was a thing. This thing was tiny, yet as dense as a politician. As a matter of fact, it was so dense, so super concentrated, that it... Sign in to see full entry.

A Love Story?

JBCaine's Valentine's Day Miracle... Romance, or just tiny arrows? Valentine’s Day is one of those events that demonstrate the difference between men and women. While the ladies will get all dewy-eyed over flowers or chocolates, jewelry, or other baubles, we men remain baffled at the whole ordeal.... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, April 14, 2008

The Bread machine

About three years ago, we spotted a like-new bread maker at a garage sale. The guy wanted twenty bucks for it. "What's wrong with it? Does it work?" I asked. "I used it 5 or 6 times, but the bread never came out right." "How 'bout ten bucks? I mean if doesn't work right..." So I took my ten-dollar... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Another mostly true story...

The Sniper The dew-kissed leaves and knee-high grass provided more moisture than I really needed or wanted at that particular moment. “At least it’s not raining.” I mumbled as I made my way to the crest of a small rise. I found the particular spot I had chosen for my hide, and settled in for what... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, April 11, 2008

How I taught my son to "Flip the Bird"

Over the last several years, many popular writers have made efforts to depart from their usual genre and venture into the realm of Children’s literature. Some examples of these are Elmore Leonard’s “A Coyote’s in the House, ” Stephen King’s “ The Eyes of the Dragon,” Carl Hiaasen’s “ Hoot,” and “... Sign in to see full entry.

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