The Joke Is On Big V

Monday, December 25, 2017

Knockout!

Last year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. This year, I didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!” And that’s how the fight ended Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Round Three

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said,’Is that your final answer?’ She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes.’ So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Round Two

I took my wife to a restaurant. For some reason, the waiter took my order first. “I’ll have the prime steak, medium rare please.” He looks at me funny and said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?” Without thinking, I told him, “Nah, she can order for herself.” And that’s when the fight started Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, December 22, 2017

Round One

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.I asked her, “Do you know him?” “Yes”, she sighed, “He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, December 21, 2017

My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs… I’ve been his customer for 6 years and I had no idea he was a barber. PS That's 'saracsm!' Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Slightly Risque

A 45 year old woman comes home from the doctor all smiles, prompting her husband to ask why she was so happy. "Well, my doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year old!" The husband grins and asks her, "What did he say about your 45 year old ass?" Without missing a beat, the wife replied, "Oddly... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 18, 2017

I Always Wondered That Myself

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Just about the time I finally figured out how to shut down the voices in my mind, the darn things learned how to use sign language! Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, December 15, 2017

Get Me A Fan

Despite living in the "Winter Wonderland" of Michigan, I'm still hot, but now it just comes in flashes. Non joke related fact. Michigan's original motto was "Winter Wonderland" but it was changed to "Winter Water Wonderland" and as someone who has wandered most of this nation, parts of Canada, and... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Resolution Kept... Almost

* My goal for 2017 was to lose ten pounds. With less than three weeks to go, I am happy to report that I only have fifteen pounds to go. Sign in to see full entry.

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