The Joke Is On Big V

Friday, December 29, 2017

Cheese It, It's The Cops!

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. “Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view... Sign in to see full entry.

I Always Knew There Was A Reason

There is a reason why baby diapers have brand names such as “Luvs” and “Huggies”, while undergarments for old people are called “Depends.” When babies soil their pants, people are still gonna Luv’em and Hug’em. When old people do the same thing, it “Depends” on who’s in the will! Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, December 28, 2017

The only thing that "Flat Earthers" fear is sphere itself! Sign in to see full entry.

Again, Slightly Risque (No Bad Words)

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and... Sign in to see full entry.

Maybe Grumpy?

I rear-ended a car this morning and it was not a pleasant scene. The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said ‘I am NOT Happy!’ So I said, ‘Well, which one ARE you then?’ Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Pepsodent?

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer, you know, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 25, 2017

Knockout!

Last year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. This year, I didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!” And that’s how the fight ended Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Round Three

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’ ‘No,’ she answered. I then said,’Is that your final answer?’ She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes.’ So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Round Two

I took my wife to a restaurant. For some reason, the waiter took my order first. “I’ll have the prime steak, medium rare please.” He looks at me funny and said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?” Without thinking, I told him, “Nah, she can order for herself.” And that’s when the fight started Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, December 22, 2017

Round One

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.I asked her, “Do you know him?” “Yes”, she sighed, “He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many... Sign in to see full entry.

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