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I began writing on Blogit two years ago for one purpose and one purpose only; to process through childhood victimization, inevitably allowing a lifetime of unconscious victimization.
It is spiritual truth; when we choose to grow, change ourselves and our lives and move beyond our stagnating, paralyzing fears, we will be viciously attacked by those within our realm who have manipulated and fed upon our fears and weaknesses. They also possess paralyzing fears and attempt control through the manipulation of others.
Two characteristics arise from within two opposing personalities when a child is victimized; whether from any form of abuse or neglect. The timid heart habitually shrinks from confrontation recreating victimizing circumstances or the fighting heart grows angry, jealous, envious and resentful. Learned and developed, both traits hone manipulative behaviors whether consciously or subconsciously.
A child can either cower in the corner in an attempt to become invisible praying for change of circumstance or begin creating negative, attention seeking circumstances to at least be seen and heard. Either response or lack of response involves feelings of worthlessness. Both responses involve feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness. We pray for change or we instigate change through manipulation rather than confronting our own fears and weaknesses.
It is simple-minded for laymen to say, “Grow up! Get over it!” It takes a professional to say, it is a lengthy, dedicated, hellish, twelve-step process. It is no different than recovering from drugs or alcohol abuse or any other numbing agent. It is a means of escape from feelings of powerlessness. Habitual forgiveness and forgetfulness are both agents of escape. We forgive rather than confront. We forget rather than being mindful of the repercussions our negative attention seeking manipulations create. All escape agents that become habitual are a means of avoiding or numbing unwanted confrontation; we avoid confronting our past, our inability to cope in the present or our fears of the future.
The first step in the thirteen step process was to contact EVERYONE that we involved within our addictive behavior. I contacted my first love and my first and second husbands (among others). I learned far more than I could have ever imagined while asking for and giving and receiving forgiveness. The enlightenment and truth were devastating. I have never been alone through each of my own life-altering circumstance. I was unaware there was a manipulating, jealous and resentful instigator behind most scenes of my life story.
The thirteenth step is to live life filled with forgiveness, but not forgetfulness. We can forgive others their tresspasses as we are also forgiven ours, by our Father, but we also learn to let go of those who choose to remain as children living in fear who we allow to manipulate our lives. We are given unveiled eyes to see beyond the lies and manipulations. We begin practicing our new sight with a willingness to receive our blessings and live our lives according to God's purpose-filled intention.
Blessings to all here who contributed to my own growth and change.
- Location:
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United States
- Primary occupation:
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Bookkeeping
- Dream occupation:
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Naturopath
- Hometown:
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Pacific Northwest
- I like:
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Being healthy; body, mind & spirit, children, elderly people, animals, studying the Word, living life on purpose
- Favorite quote:
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Adults who never face childhood fears become adult children
- Gender:
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female
- Religion:
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Christianity