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I am Khan.
I once was prince and imperial ruler of the Asian continent on the planet Earth during the late 21st Century. My people and I were genetically engineered to be superior to the puny, ordinary earthlings in every regard; physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually. We were regarded as a race of “Supermen”. We kicked ass.
The weakling inferior races, fearing our superiority, sought to annihilate us in the Eugenics Wars of the 2090’s. Our superior people fought bravely, but forces of the United States of the Western Hemisphere, under the command of Emperor Schwarzenegger IV, overcame my people through the use of hideous chemical weapons; they fluoridated our water supply. I and select members of my Imperial Council fled this planet of weaklings, traveling the frigid vacuum of outer space in search of a planet worthy of conquest. Our ship was named the Botany Bay.
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My superior space vessel, the SS Botany Bay. |
For three years we searched the galaxy in vain. Our women, genetically engineered for superiority in serving their men, helped pass the time, but even superior sex got boring after a while. We placed ourselves in suspended animation, letting the ship’s computers continue the search for a new planet.
Two centuries later our voyage was interrupted by some asshole named Kirk, of the Starship Enterprise. He and his inferior crew boarded the Botany Bay and rudely restored us from our long sleep. Naturally, we were a little grumpy, so we overpowered the weaklings and took over his ship. I even got some post-suspended nookie from a weakling 23rd Century earth woman, Lieutenant McGivers. She was an historian and had the hots for my superior self. She relished in my superior sex. After conquering her she became mine.
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Lt. McGivers succumbs to my superior manliness and buff pecs. |
Well, like most inferior women she ended up turning against me and betrayed me to the renegade Kirk, who regained control of the Enterprise and dumped us on a remote planet called Ceti Alpha V, which really sucked because I wanted to throw my superior sex-staff into his communications officer, Uhura. She was hot. However, Lt. McGivers agreed to join me on my new planet. Clearly, she found my superior sexiness irresistible. With her as my concubine I could breed superior rug-rats for the continuation of our superior race.
Life on Ceti Alpha V for my superior comrades and I was good until a neighboring planet, Ceti Alpha VI, was blown to smithereens by an asteroid, totally screwing up our planet’s orbit and turning it into a gigantic sand dune. That was the ultimate in superior suckiness.
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Greetings from Ceti Alpha V! |
After twenty years on this inferior cesspool of a planet the renegade Kirk and his inferior crew decided to check up on us. Once again, we were pretty grumpy. My concubine McGivers had been killed when a Ceti eel bore a hole through her ear and had her brain for lunch, so my superior sexual desires hadn’t been satisfied in quite some time. Once again my superior comrades and I overtook the Enterprise and proceeded on our quest of interstellar domination. However, I was a little rusty at the whole galactic conquest thing and the renegade Kirk thwarted our superior efforts.
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She tasks me.....
She tasks me.....
I will have her. |
Using my superior intellect I set the starship’s navigational computers for time travel to Earth of 2005, where I’m surrounded by puny humans whose existences are consumed by inferior home computers, massive amounts of body fat and the inferior emotion called “love”.
Therefore, I now provide superior guidance to the millions of inferior creatures infesting this planet. From hell's heart, I stab at thee...for hate's sake, I spit my last breath...well, whatever.
I am Khan.
- Location:
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Pitcairn
- Primary occupation:
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Superior Prince
- Dream occupation:
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Superior Ruler of Earth
- I like:
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Superior intellect, annihilating my enemies, Genesis.
- Favorite writers:
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Sun Tzu, Napolean, Jose Canseco
- Favorite quote:
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"Revenge is a dish best served cold. It is very cold...in space."
- Gender:
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Superior Male
- Religion:
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Genetics