CunningLinguist is actually two people inhabiting one body. Okay, okay, it's two people using a joint account and we pass the joint back and forth. The writing of the blogs, at this point at least, is done exclusively by me, Dan -- or CL, if you like. The more likable of the dual personalities is the one called Melody. She goes around reading and commenting on your blogs most of the time. Melody is, simply put, the best person on planet earth ever. (She's too modest to admit this publicly, but she tells me all the time.)
I'm your typical smart alec common-tator, giving you my senseless two cents worth and then having da noyv to ask you for the change. (Change is good.) I'm a simple kind of man, so don't take what I say too seriously, but I plan on saving the world. Not on this hard drive, though; computer's slow enough as it is.
1) Name: Daniel James, Dan, CunningLinguist, CL, Dang, Diggie, The Diggie Docta, Lieutenant Dang, and Hey you.
2) Nickname: Don't have one.
3) Birthday: Was very traumatic. I was dragged out cold and naked, everyone around me was either on drugs or wearing masks. And they cut my umbilical cord, which was completely uncalled for! They took my fingerprints like I was some kind of common criminal. It was a nightmare. I haven't been the same since.
4) Birthplace: My mother.
5) Hobbies: I like to read... minds. I have ESPN.
6) Turn-ON's: Chicks with lisps. Theriouthly!
7) Marital status: Status uncertain. Looks single from up here.
8) Siblings Names and Age: Doesn't Siblings sound like baby Sibs or something? "Aw, so cute!"
9) Pets: I once had a dog named Stay. When I'd call him he'd get all confused. He had an accident, ran into some traffic... At least I think it was by accident. I told him to stay.
10) Location: Local.
11) School: BSU
12) Are you a virgin? I'm a Capricorn.
13) Do you have any kids: Yes, but don't tell their mother. She knows nothing about it.
14) sexual preference: Absolutely.
15) Favorite position: Shortstop.
16) Favorite ice cream: Chewy Chunky Funky Monkey Fudge Nut Ripple Blast
17) Favorite kind of sundae: A good sundae should definitely have some ice cream in it. In my opinion.
18) Favorite ice cream place: Dairy Queen because they treat me right.
19) Where do you like to go on the first date? I never go on first dates. I like to start off on the third date. I think everyone is more comfortable that way.
20) Would you have sex on the first date? Only if I knew she had some exotic diseases science doesn't know about yet.
21) Do you believe in chivalry? No. He's made up. Nobody has ever seen him but they claim he's out there.
22) Do you kiss on the first date? For some reason, I always kiss on the last date.
23) how would you break up with someone? I'd say, "Get away from me you freak! You smell like old tapioca and you're ugly enough for two people! And its not me, its you!" No mixed signals.
24) Where would you break up with someone? On top of Old Smokey.
25) Do you like to Dance? I like to chew my fingernails.
26) Are you good at Dancing? I'm good at chewing my fingernails--well, I used to be. Those were my glory days. When men were men and fingernails were fingernails. Far behind me now. Reminiscing always brings back memories.
27) Do you dance at clubs? You mean at dance clubs??
28) Do you drink a lot? Only when I'm drunk.
29) Do you do drugs? I'm a recreational heroin user. On the weekends I get together with some soccer-moms and we tap a vain just before playing bridge.
30) Can you sing? Only when I'm drunk.
31) Are you shy? Only when I'm not drunk.
32) Are you real emotional? Why do you ask that when... I mean, you know I... JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
33) What's your favorite color? Clear.
34) what's is your favorite group? the Jehovah Witnesses. Gotta love 'em.
35) Are you a night person or a day person? I'm a people person.
36) Tea or coffee? That's a little personal pal!
37) pie or cake...what kind? Piece of cake, pie.
38) pool or beach? billiards.
39) Favorite TV show: Old episodes of C-SPAN
40) Favorite movie: Gandhi part 2: Gandhi's Revenge
41) Favorite book: Green Eggs & Spam; A book about government cutbacks in public schools.
42) your favorite body part: The left eyebrow.
43) least favorite body part: The right eyebrow.
44) Do you believe in reincarnation? No, but I did in a past life.
45) Do you want to get married why why not? I want to have divorced at least 3 Supermodels by the time I'm 30.
46) what would you name your kids? Hey & You
47) What color is your hair? Hair colored.
48) What color are your eyes? Which one?
49) How tall are you? Wicked
50) how much do you weigh? About the same as yesterday.
51) Do you have a job...where? Yes. I don't know.
52) Do you have body art? My body is art Bay Bay!
53) Do you go tanning? No, and yet sometimes I come home tan. Go figure.
54) do you work out? I work in.
55) girls what's your bra size? :: waits patiently:::
56) guys what bra size do you like? I'm most comfortable in a B cup.
57) what's your favorite holiday? I celebrate Jewish holidays because I'm not Jewish and I feel guilty about that.
58) Favorite Disney movie: Naughty Night Nurses
59) craziest person you know? This guy Doug Enburiedem. He had a cold one time, and his nose kept running so he took some Elmer's glue and glued his nostrils closed. He said his Rice Crispies told 'em to.
60) last CD you bought: Bobby McFarrin's Greatest Hit.
61) favorite season: Basketball season.
62) favorite subject: Budapest economics
63) most embarrassing situation: That time I... never mind.
64) most romantic thing you have done or someone has done for you? I once got bit in the face by a snapper-turtle.
65) Something romantic you want done to you? I wish to be tickled with deflated balloons. CHOP! CHOP!
66) weird thing you can do using your body: Ever have somebody tell you that you have bad breath and you try to see for yourself by breathing out through your mouth, then inhale real quick?
67) favorite radio station: I don't listen to the radio. Too busy watching porn.
68) do you watch porn? No
69) have you ever made a porn? Do you want to? Yes and no.
70) does size really matter? Or is it the motion in the ocean? I think it has alot to do with barometric pressure and the position of the sail. Factor in the earth's gravitational pull and the trajectory of the vessel.
Eloquent delinquent with poignant pointed tongue. Unpublished -- still unpolished, Daniel James remains unsung. Yet he leans in, gently teasing the limits of limitation. The Linguist providing points to ponder, whims of wonder, contemplation. Enter at your own risk. He has no class, so class dismissed. You'll think he's twisted, but with a twist. And with a style you can't resist.