Bullying Now and Then by Questor8

By questor1

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Bullying: Now and Then

With the raise in violence in our schools, a cause for these outbreaks the focus is often on  “loners” who never showed signs of any antisocial behavior before the violent episode ended the lives of both students and teachers. The news media interview psychologists, teachers, students, and anyone else who might have a plausible explanation for the carnage seen on our television screens continuously until the new tragedy  becomes the focus and the cycle is repeated.  When questioned, many who knew the student mention that “bullying” may have played a role in the incident but the student was a “loner” who “kept to himself”, know one really “knew” him.  While many people have been “bullied” on occasion, being the “target” of serial bullying is psychologically damaging.

Based on my personal exist, I know that bullies existed in the ‘50s and early ‘60s when I attended grammar school.  While the details of my experiences have dimmed over the years, the memories remain painful and the internal scars never fully healed.  During the first and second grade, I missed school for a variety of illnesses in addition to wearing a patch over one eye to treat a vision problem. It was difficult to read the blackboard and it was not long before I was far behind my peers. 

As a result, I was labeled “dumb” by the other kids and my teacher. I was excluded from activities at recess; there was never a place to sit with my class mates in the cafeteria so I usually ate alone.  After school, one classmate waited for me at a certain corner to deliver a blow or kick for fun.  The fact that I was ostracized and called names by my classmates was difficult for my teacher to miss. But she managed to “look the other way” with impressive regularity.  My parents’ advice was to “ignore the bullies and they will get tired and go away”.   I learned from bitter experience that bullies do not go away, they merely become crueler and bolder in their attacks.

When I repeated the third grade, I was called “flunkie”, “four eyes” and “cow eyes”. I can to belief that  I was not “normal” as those who are “normal” had friends and did not face the treatment I received each day. I finally became angry enough to strike back by beating on my dolls, the family pet, shop lifting and terrorizing my sisters. For a time, I became the “bully” I hated and I hated myself.

Growing up in the era of the Donna Reed Show, Leave it to Beaver, and Dick Van Dykereinforced the moral values taught at home. There were only three channels and broadcasting ended at 1:00 A.M.  Television was a balance between crime, comedy, drama and variety shows.  When I was sent to my room as punishment, a frequent occurrence, there was no television, DVD player, computer, PDA, phone, or I pod; there were books so I decided to read. The more I read, the more I loved to read.  

With over a hundred cable channels available, it is difficult to find a channel without a rerun of CSI, Law and Order, NCIS and a number of other shows. Television shows now include graphic scenes of murder and autopsies. As a result, young kids are fed a diet of brutal violence and gruesome scenes with graphic description. There is usually no emotional reaction to the most violent methods of shown by the actors in these shows.  With no moral constraints, those who may be the “target” of a bully choose violence for revenge or to “experience” the violence depicted 24/7 on television.   

I am very grateful that the inducements to violence prevalent in society today were not available to me as a child.  Bullies “target” kids who are viewed as “weak”, “defenseless”, and unwilling to admit to being bullied to an adult.  Society rewards strength and self-confidence in kids while kids who are targets are considered to be “weak” and are not viewed with much sympathy by their peers, parents, or teachers.  While my parents meant well by telling me to “ignore” bullies this was not good advice.  More importantly, I saw my parents as unwilling to take action to protect me so I concluded that I was unworthy of protection. Looking back on my childhood experience, I realize that the anger and pain I experienced could easily have enticed me to violence as it does kids in today’s culture.

Choosing to punish as many people as possible to retaliate for emotional pain is never justified. “Victims” of bullying are not entitled to kill by virtue of their “victim hood”.  The value placed on each human life has decreased childhood while violence has increased enormously.  When I was in grammar school, each day began with a reading from the scripture, a moment of prayer, and the pledge.  The Ten Commandments were visible for all to see. These set the parameters of the moral constraint required of each student.  Knowing what was “acceptable” behavior helped me to find appropriate ways to deal with my emotions without hurting myself or others.  As an adult, I recognize that I was very depressed child who thought about death a great deal. Eventually, I chose to “protect” myself by becoming “invisible” and a loner. Books became a shield behind which I could hide to “tune” out what I did not want to hear.

In a society without commonly understood and shared moral constraints, many young people believe that each person is free to create their own moral code.  There are no “Absolutes” regarding morality so violent retaliation is no longer “wrong”.  Bullying today is more dangerous than when I was child.  But then so is going to school each day.  To those who are currently the target of  serial bullying, let me offer a few suggestions based on my own experience.

Tell someone about your experiences. Be persistent and do not keep up. I know how difficult this is but keeping silent is worst by far. If you are not taken seriously by your parents, talk to a teacher or school administrator or someone else that you trust. Don’t wait until you are ready to explode to take action. There are people who want to help. 

  • Tell someone about your experiences. Be persistent and do not keep up. I know how difficult this is but keeping silent is worst by far. If you are not taken seriously by your parents, talk to a teacher or school administrator or someone else that you trust. Don’t wait until you are ready to explode to take action. There are people who want to help. 
  • Try not to withdrawn from others and involve yourself in school activities. You are less likely to be a target if you are with others.
  • Being “different” is not a crime and is often a valuable asset. Creative and over-achievers people are often considered to be “different” or “eccentric” by their peers. Bullies do not go away if they are ignored. They become intoxicated by their own power over other people and their ability to arouse fear in others. Do not be afraid of confronting a bully or of defending yourself. If you are a target of a bully, it is very possible that you are not the only target.

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