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Darkchylde - Good Story!
Hi, Just thought I would drop you a note regarding your short story.
I hope you find these comments of help and not unpleasant in any way, they are most certainly not meant to upset anyone.
I enjoyed the story, found it readable and intriguing. I have to admit that when you described it as a horror story, it didn't quite make the grade to me. There was no horrific or terrifying suffering (save for the yew tree's being cut down by Bagshaws tree feller's), whilst the pace of the story was good and steady. I just thought that itcould have raised the pulse level a little more.
Just deserts for Bagshaw, a nice twist in fate. The guy deserved it - and I enjoyed the mysticism of the Yew's.
Looking forward to your next blogg.
Kindest Regards
Darkchylde
posted by
Darkchylde
on August 16, 2003 at 4:48 PM
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Thanks
Thanks for that, I'm embarrassed by the fact that the story was cut short to make it fit into a magazine. so there was little detail. I promise to find a good one to fi in the blog. Steve
posted by
slam
on March 24, 2003 at 10:39 AM
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Hello from another reader
I think you have the beginnings of a great story here. I was a little confused about the missing paper... did it disappear in the drawer of the yew tree table? Also, you need a vivid description of the table; when you say it's a "wood table," the picture in my mind is a table made of unfinished pine. Of course a table belonging to Bagshaw would have a deep, rich color with a gleaming finish. Also, I like how you put Cindy's perspective on magic into the story. That gave a real feel to the tale. Nice job!
posted by
Freedom
on March 23, 2003 at 10:24 AM
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It's Ok!
Hi, sorry it took so long to get back to you. Please don't take the story too seriously. It was only put in becasue i hadn't written anything for so long. To be honst i don't think it was even the right version of the story. And it was done in panic. The good news is you have restored my faith, in the fact that at least someone reads these things. steve
posted by
slam
on March 23, 2003 at 9:44 AM
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Horror...
Please take these comments as positive and constructive!
Your horror story wasn't really horrible - in fact I don't think it contained any real horror.Maybe this is a comment on the sad state of things these days. We are somewhat inured to death and suffering from what we hear on the news each day.
You kept the narrative with Jonathan. If you had occasionally switched to Bagshaw, you would have been able to describe his suffering - waking in the darkness from a deep sleep, a growing agony gnawing at his insides. You could have described the thought processes running through his mind leading to the inevitable death. That might have provided some true horror.
You also need to check what you have written more carefully.. No doubt a spell checker would have approved everything you wrote, but you have used some words incorrectly: 'asses' instead of 'assess', 'raps' instead of 'wraps'., 'precession' instead of 'procession' - there are several others. You may well argue that the story is the main thing, which is a fair point, but a little care in presentation goes a long way.
I am trying to be helpful (though folks say I'm just trying...).
I look forward to your next Blog!
Keith
posted by
Eyesonly
on March 17, 2003 at 8:37 AM
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