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Re: Re: Re: Re: you have my heart here for my children are far away One is gone from me
true darling all true, and know that I am here for you.
posted by
Kabu
on June 4, 2013 at 2:15 PM
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Re: Re: Re: you have my heart here for my children are far away One is gone from me
Thanks Kabu... it's nice to know you are there and that you know what it's like. Both kids have been in touch this week, and it's been nice.
I don't know if I am ready to take that risk yet... If we were to stop seeing each other I would most likely immerse myself deeper in what gives me my own security .. home (mine), garden, church, and singing. I might even find a small job if I needed to. I'd rather have what we have, though. It works best when we don't have outside assaults on the bubble we have created around ourselves, and most of the time that's reasonably ok - not bad, considering the age we both are and what we have both been through over the years.
posted by
mneme
on June 4, 2013 at 1:42 PM
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Re: Re: you have my heart here for my children are far away One is gone from me
The situation is becoming really tough for you. Are you ready to risk losing him? It is obvious that your childrne love you and want you in their lives on their terms and that is selfish...immature. My heart goes out to you for everyone has you in a sandwich situation. your kids are so important but so is your life...but then I have doubts about this guy making you happy. Keep in touch. I am here for you love.
posted by
Kabu
on May 31, 2013 at 1:27 PM
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Re: mneme
Hi Naut.. you are right, and to some extent I have recognised this and accepted it. It's only a problem for me when he is insisting I need to resolve this in my own mind. Lots to think about, but we seem olay at the moment (for now). 
posted by
mneme
on May 31, 2013 at 12:32 PM
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mneme
There comes a time when we simply have to let go of our children, and I think in your case that moment is overdue! You would not allow strangers to interfere in your relationship with your 'bloke', and you should not allow your children to do so either, even though they will never be strangers, of course!
If they don't want to accept him, so be it, it's their problem, not yours! And you should simply make it very plain that, though you love them, you will not permit filial tantrums in your presence! Tell them they can act out to their heart's content once they're back in Oz...
posted by
Nautikos
on May 30, 2013 at 8:03 AM
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Guys, your comments have helped me work through how I feel about the situation. Still don't know what I'm going to do... but I know someone who does. Ps. 23 has brought me through a lot of uncertainty and I'll however it turns out.
posted by
mneme
on May 30, 2013 at 7:01 AM
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Re:
Thanks Jimmy... never have done what's best for me, when I look back. I've usually gone into life in good faith, and dealt with the 'slings and arrows' as they've occurred. In many ways it made me strong, but a side-effect is that I have no fight left in me. So I go quiet, and mull things over, sometimes for a very long time. He just has to learn that, I think.
As for the medical condition... it was a surprise to me, but maybe she will take more care of herself now. I certainly hope so.
posted by
mneme
on May 30, 2013 at 6:42 AM
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Re: Mneme
That sounds lovely, Wiley - be careful I don't take you up on it! ..smile.. I was alone for nearly three years, then this old aquaintance came into my life again four years ago. I don't want to lose this relationship, but I might need some space if this continues to come up.
It's my belief that my ex (they knew each other at work) has been quite negative about him to my kids. There's no reason for that, they never crossed swords in any way, and he was as nice as pie to my boyfriend after the court hearing last year, where he spoke for me. But my ex can't be trusted, in fact he is very manipulative and no doubt is still playing the 'poor me' card ... so I have no confidence that the kids can be objective and impartial. One little positive from my son's visit; after seeing pictures that I had put up of 'the monster,' he promised he would meet him next trip. We shall see.
One thing I do know, it's no good, with my two, trying to push things along. Doesn't work with me, won't work with them. Things have to unfold at their own pace. Good thing I have a lot of patience - and good blogit buddies!
posted by
mneme
on May 30, 2013 at 6:35 AM
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Re: you have my heart here for my children are far away One is gone from me
Dear Kabu.. thanks for your wise words... it passed - it always does. I think my best tack is to keep my own counsel from now on if there is any contact from my kids. He doesn't want to know them if they don't want to know him, and neither side seems to mind how I feel about that.
It's no good him telling me to work out for myself what's happening (with them), and that once I've figured it out I can decide what to do with it. Is it truly punishment? Still? Then why does my daughter text me, call me, speak to me, at all? Why does my son text, skype, call? They obviously want to be in touch with me - but with certain conditions attached. It has to be on my own, without my boyfriend of some three years.
She wants us to make the most of the time we see each other this year, having made up her mind she is moving back at the end of the year. I'm afraid I don't know how. A situation has been created (by her) in which we are both uncomfortable, and each time she wants to come and visit I go through a period of anxiety before she arrives and am tense and edgy when she's here. I wish I had the answers, but I don't.
What I do know is that I can't manage the additional pressure he puts on me when he tries to get me to confront things. Easy enough to say; very hard for someone like me to put into practice.
posted by
mneme
on May 30, 2013 at 6:22 AM
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you have my heart here for my children are far away One is gone from me
completely and the other is all that a Mother could dream of.
I let them go to live their lives, one chooses to keep me close in his heart the other chose a different path. Wiley Never interferes with my relationship with my kids nor would I ever interfere with his with that five.
This man is not being fair. Go to your home I advise. Let him come, if he wants you he will come after you and listen as you tell him what is!
posted by
Kabu
on May 29, 2013 at 4:09 PM
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Mneme
I say move on girl, make a life for yourself and let the kiddies just go and grow up. When you start to get comfy on your own, find a mate or not, it doesn't matter. You matter, get responsible for makng you happy, let life guide you alone without some olther guy child problems. I did that, lived alone for 8 years or whatever, then we got together, kids cut us off pretty much, fine we are living a happy life. Take some time off, come and visit for a week or two and Kabu and I will just help you unwind and be you.
posted by
WileyJohn
on May 29, 2013 at 3:07 PM
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Tough question for a tough situation. I think, in some regards, you must do what is best for you! However, since I have no children, some aspects of your situation are difficult for me to relate to completely. However, there is one thing I do understand. Like your daughter, I too am a "vaglar." But I don't pass out at the sight of blood; I pass out from a loss of blood, with my blood pressure dropping dramatically each time. It's a medical condition some people are just born with, and unfortunately, there's nothing that can be done about it . . . 
posted by
JimmyA
on May 29, 2013 at 1:38 PM
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