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don't be too hard on yourself... it isn't very often we find ourselves in

this kind of situation. I am writing a blog post just for you because it was too long to post in the comments. It will be on my Necessary Gnawings blog. (((HUG)))

posted by wiserabbit on March 18, 2011 at 10:45 PM | link to this | reply

Definitely not cold-hearted, sweetie.  Give it a little time to really get to know her.

posted by TAPS. on February 11, 2011 at 7:25 PM | link to this | reply

I have to agree with Sunnybeach. It amy take a little time, but I'm sure she's used to that already. You'll work it out together.

posted by adnohr on February 9, 2011 at 9:13 PM | link to this | reply

Because when you talk to her you have to look at her and there

is no way you are going to get it out of your mind when you do.

There is no way that you can "pretend" not to feel her pain when it is right in front of you, and you fear that when you look at her your sympathy is always going to show.

Honestly, you're probably better off just to be straight with her, and tell her that you can't help feeling bad for her when you look at her.  Enough time spent with her and you should get through this though.

posted by Sunnybeach7 on February 9, 2011 at 6:54 PM | link to this | reply

I understand you totally

posted by lustorlove on February 9, 2011 at 4:56 PM | link to this | reply

Shelly...

I think the best thing you can do for yourself-and your new roommate is to work very hard on getting past the issue of her facial injuries.  Without saying so, she may sense that you find it disturbing.  Not that I'm faulting you...not at all.  It is incredibly disturbing to see such things.  But, you are an incredibly understanding person.  Just remember that above all else, she is a person-not just a person who lost part of her face because someone decided to rob her of who she once was.  She is no less beautiful within, so choose to see the internal beauty rather than the external.

It may take some time to do so, in fact, I'm sure it will.  But YES, you CAN get past this!

Does this make sense?

I truly hope you can forge a lasting friendship with her.

posted by lovelyladymonk on February 9, 2011 at 4:01 PM | link to this | reply

I haven't a clue but I believe you will make a tremendous friend if you can get past it! sam 

posted by sam444 on February 9, 2011 at 3:37 PM | link to this | reply

we all have our nemesis...nursing I can handle absolutely anything

nothing fazes me at all ...until someone coughs up phlegm. I gag immediately.

I am sure gradually you won't notice the terrible injury just give yourself time...I am sure she understands.

posted by Kabu on February 9, 2011 at 12:40 PM | link to this | reply

Your honesty is worthwhile, Dear Shelly..

I saw a little boy a few weeks ago who had most of his face horribly disfigured for some reason and I had to look away; couldn't look at him because I had tears and because it was so disturbing..It made me angry at myself. I thought if only I could have smiled kindly, let him know I know he's human and precious. I take it as a lesson learned; I will see the soul beyond the flesh, as Dear Elyse so eloquently states, if and when there is a next time.
I'm so sorry about your loss and your respect for those who are disabled is commendable.

posted by Raye09 on February 9, 2011 at 11:44 AM | link to this | reply

Shelly, good blog note.  Lots to ponder ~ Very touching of your loss and your respect for Humanity, no matter handicapped or maimed.  Obviously you have a good heart  ~ and this does not make you a bad person - it may be uncomfortable for many reasons - maybe the familiar features that are missing simply confuse your ability to see beyond to the person's soul.  I have to remind myself sometimes when I've seen disfigurment of horrific proportions that 'we're only flesh over a Soul' and so, I can then, take a breath - and look for the Soul in that said person.  You're so precious, Shelly, thank you for your candor and...Have a great day - Elyse

posted by elysianfields on February 9, 2011 at 11:25 AM | link to this | reply