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This is mind-boggling....some of it beautifully fascinating, some of it so far over my head I can't even follow it enough to comment. I am in awe of your prodigious talent on full display here and hope you'll post the finished piece when it's done.
posted by
Krisles
on August 16, 2010 at 7:02 PM
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Hi John. One can see this is an epic by Blogit standards. Obviously you are an intelligent sensitive man though to may not want it appear so. I can only talk basically, but I wonder what do you want to do with this, I throw my work into a box and it will probably be burned when I kick the bucket. If you want to keep this for your heirs or whatever I wouldn't make it any longer, I would look at it honestly and think now do I like this observation or is it a bit weedy. To cull will sometimes make a poem stronger. Or ask some one to honestly appraise it. If you just want to leave it as it is well OK, nothing wrong with it, just my opinion I know it has been a lot of hard work and one always feels sensitive to criticism even if one says not. I would see what the other readers say, you may get a favourable judgment.
I once wrote 600 pages of a story sent some of it away for a review and was literally told it was ungrammatical.
However it could be broken down into 6 stories for a considerable fee. It had taken me three years to write so being dyslexic I am now happy to use a spellchecker. 
posted by
C_C_T
on August 15, 2010 at 12:00 PM
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I must aplaud you John... This was subreally magnificent and you should be very proud of what you've created. I think you said it all in your Epilogue... and even though before you say Pape is not G-d I do believe in your subc0oncious He is Why else you capitalize his name and no other... and "(But Pape’ is asleep on his foam rubber couch next to a broken-down caravan adrift in his River of Dreams.. " everything seems to happen while he sleeps... while it ends when he sakes up and smiles after He understands everything with the world is fine. Another interpretation would be that its all a dream... and it does read like one at times. Reading it I was transported to New Orleans, Black Tuesday time... wihth the Samba playing in the streets and the floats and dancers making their way through the all night carnival. I've been there in the actual Mardigra and I can understand why G-d would want to sleep through it loll... being that the 7 sins are being broken loll So it could be a dream... pape's dream ... You and only you my dear friend know hte meaning of your verses... but know this, it is excellent work, masterpiece quality :-) xoxoxo
posted by
Sinome
on August 15, 2010 at 11:43 AM
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the something about the high hand conducting.way before that something about miracles in the sky. Those were excellent lines. I also think the poem was excellent. And I think I believe you when you said you have been working on that for a very long time. No way could some one piece that together in a short amount of time. But you are awesome.
posted by
NIGHTWRITE
on August 15, 2010 at 11:24 AM
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Comment!
As it appears your a crative mind at work with the relationships of events even using a grandpaw as a subject matter. We all are the reflection of what we see in the mirror and our writings are the canvas in words we convey to the reader the picture painted to read and sometimes enjoy. Each phase of our painting our words are the stroke of ones experiences shown in the finality of works, verse, story told. An artist even Picasso had a journey once portraits then expanded to abstract. I hope this may be of thought to your many views and travels in life your Blessings. Enjoyed your works, re-works. Fema
posted by
fememefeme
on August 15, 2010 at 11:12 AM
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