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Awesome poem real layed it down deep!!
posted by
Mystereo
on October 10, 2010 at 7:40 PM
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To be loved by one is the greatest! sam
posted by
sam444
on August 1, 2010 at 8:02 PM
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Seenms to me you have the basics of a good poem here, but the color combo makes it hard to read, amd I'm wondering why not write in black and white and let the words create the atmosphere? Granted that a love poem is a difficult genre because it has been written about for hundreds of years,the challenge is to find its unique expression. While analogy harkens back to a classic form/motif, some exressions have been so over-used, they just don't carry anymore--eg: "eyes like the deep blue sea", and I was completely taken aback with "teeth as while as pearls". We're talking about a lover's face here--her eyes, her nose, maybe a chin, and yes,her lips ..but really...her teeth? I feel I just sped thru a stop sign and I got some flashing lights behind me.
Anyway, I hope this helps a bit, and there is nothing wrong going back to the drawing board. There is something I like about this poem, but I think it needs to be tweaked a bit.
posted by
jfm32
on August 1, 2010 at 6:16 PM
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