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Just from 1st paragraph, wonder what I'm reading. If this is a short story (a narrative exposition)...run-on words is not exactly a dialect.
I expect a story to be well-wrtitten and gramtically correct--at least on it's surface. Otherwise why read it. Thus, rat like s/b rat-like. Now, if you are writing a narrative in a dialect, that might be another thing...but even that has to be even more precise a language (phonetics to spelling). And if you were writing a poem, or in a stream of consciosness, that would be a whole other thing.
My question is, if you stepped outside yourself for a moment, and started reading as if someone else had written it, what would you feel and think?
On the other hand, you have a wonderful sense of narrative and rhythm, so why wouldn't you want to use language as sharp as a razor and as clear as a bell? Isn't writing only as good as its craft?
I hope this helps a bit. It's not that there is a preconceived notion of what good writing is, but I think we all know it when we encounter it.
Let me know what you think................John
posted by
jfm32
on May 31, 2010 at 9:23 AM
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It's a nice read but you have run some words together so it needs an edit
I do that too.
posted by
Kabu
on May 30, 2010 at 8:25 PM
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