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Re:
Shobana, no, thank you. It's best to bundle up!
posted by
dsm_tchr
on May 24, 2010 at 5:09 PM
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RSM, have to agree, one home @ a time. i do it too!
posted by
dsm_tchr
on May 24, 2010 at 2:22 PM
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Re: RSM, we see the problem but no one is doing anything about it.
We do with our children at the kitchen table, if you know what I mean. We are trying to raise our children with the true values and beliefs that are knwon to be true and steadfast. The only problem is that society is going the other direction. Not saying we are perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I do thinkl it begins in the home. Everything does.
posted by
RedStatesMan
on May 24, 2010 at 7:58 AM
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Love in the modern world is very superficial dsm imho. It constitutes having the whole ensemble -looks, money,status plus total committment and freedom. Once something outweighs the other other and a feeling of boredom sets in, it is called irreconciliable differences and if married divorce is the next course of action. Basically the feeling of total surrender to the feelings of love is lost somewhere between selfishness and pride. What comes after love in a marriage is I think a platonic relationship where each has found the space to let a person thrive and be and have mutual respect which I feel is very important in any relationship.
Thanks so much for your visit and in the wee hours of the mornings where I live, it can get very chilly.
posted by
shobana
on May 23, 2010 at 11:47 PM
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Re: This is a great question that can conjure up so many answers
Tzippy, you are right! lol
posted by
dsm_tchr
on May 23, 2010 at 6:35 PM
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Re:
fsi, very similar in olden days when people married before having sex. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Thanks for stopping by!
posted by
dsm_tchr
on May 23, 2010 at 6:35 PM
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Re: Kingmi...Sunntbeach, I know you have found it!
posted by
dsm_tchr
on May 23, 2010 at 6:33 PM
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I do not know if there was ever a widespread point where those in love married and lived happily ever after. Speaking from prior knowledge marriages were arranged in the European world with the expectation being that the love would grow. Sometimes it did. Other times it did not, serving merely as an economic means.
posted by
FormerStudentIntern
on May 23, 2010 at 4:31 PM
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This is a great question that can conjure up so many answers
and I think none of them are true : lol :
posted by
Tzippy
on May 23, 2010 at 4:07 PM
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Kingmi...
I think everyone has their own definition of what love is.
I honestly think that love is not some knowledge that we are born with, but that we come to know through our learning experiences.
While looks and money and that is all good, It doesn't and shouldn't define love at all. Love is not material, it is spiritual.
I would define true love as being able to maintain a mutual respect, gratitude and feeling of well being with each other. Someones mistakes or any negative qualities should be livable for you. If they are not, how can you constantly maintain a feeling of love?
If you happen to get looks or money with the package, that is a bonus.
posted by
Afzal_Sunny7
on May 23, 2010 at 3:43 PM
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kooka, no but i know its less romance & more caring.
posted by
dsm_tchr
on May 23, 2010 at 3:15 PM
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Here you need Shakespeare
You need a guy like Shakespeare here, a co-worker of mine had a quotation from him on his desk years ago that describes love perfectly. Its supposed to be a classic. Worth finding and reading. It slips me now and I never kept a copy. Sorry.
posted by
mantohave
on May 23, 2010 at 2:22 PM
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Can you define love though?
Historically marriage has had next to nothing to do with love really. You got married for the convenience of it all and to produce offspring. Marriage has traditionally been more about creating a family and providing for them than love. The plat Fiddler on the Roof has a perfect song about this where 'Do You Love me?" which is a husband and wife talking about how their marriage was arranged and that all these years they had never really talked about love, and the song even ends with both of them saying to each other 'I suppose I love you'. In fact that whole story is about breaking away from what was traditional marriages, not based on love, to following your heart.
So in my mind anyone promoting love should have no problem at all with homosexual marriage, because those are most likely going to be based on love since they for the most part can't really be based on anything else.
Traditionally going after those with the most money is what marriage was all about. Women were suppose to get the richest man they could find. You didn't care if he was abusive or a drunk, if he could provide for you that was all that mattered.
Divorce itself does not go agiasnt love. People's feeling for one another do change with time adn some people will find they just cannot get along with their spouse any more because they have changed and there is no longer any love there.
We are a society that considers Romeo and Juliet to be a great love story, when in fact it is far from. Romeo is a player, jumping form one girl to the next. Juliet is a truly innocent young thing who is caught up in the fantasy that Romeo provide as he spit on pick up lines the likes of which modern day men might use at a bar to get a one night stand. Neither should have clue one what love is, but both are caught up in the desire to love and the teenage rebelliousness against their parents, that they loose they sense of reality and we all know how that ends. And that is what we are telling out children is love?
I don't think our society itself knows what love is. I find love to be greatly misunderstood and the word to be greatly over used. The couples I hear say 'I love you' the most are generally the ones who are not in love, but are trying to keep the illusion of it going. For the most part the concept of love has little if any real meaning any more.
Also, there are different kinds of love. The love I have for my boys is not the same as what I feel for my wife.
To put it as simpel as possible, love is not simple.
posted by
kooka_lives
on May 23, 2010 at 1:34 PM
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RSM, we see the problem but no one is doing anything about it.
posted by
dsm_tchr
on May 23, 2010 at 1:13 PM
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Good Post!
I am not sure that most of society could ever get back to what your last few sentences elude to on this topic. It is true that many confuse lust and love. This happens everday. For myself, I married the love of my life 18 years ago, I was only one month from being 31 years old. Neither of us had been married before. I spent my bachelor years through college and after dating many women. I came close twice to popping the question but did not for several reasons. When I met my wife, I knew she was the one. I realize that this sounds corny or as some would say outdated but it is the truth. Being a bachelor until almost 31, I played the field but I knew what I wanted. Actually my wife asked me to get married...lol. I was going to all along but we both knew we had found the one.
I feel that due to how our society has fallen from the past, we may not be able to get back. Look at what has happened since the 1960's. Your post here screams out that the direction our society chose to go since the 1960's was a wrong path. Then add the attacks against the family that have continued to this day and you then will see the problem and why you wrote this post. Obviously something changed, as you stated in different words. Some people see the values and beliefs of the past as being outdated our just plain not progressive. However, I think that you would agree the old values and beliefs were the right path because the one our society is on now is wrong. Marriage is an institution between a Man and a Woman. Look at how that has been attacked. As you said here, post WWI everyhting changed but I would have to say that was more along the lines of post 1960. My parents were married in 1946 when they were 22 years old. They are still married and they are 85 years old now; 64 years of marriage. They have the ole fashioned values as they always have in their lives.
People do not seem to understand that the grass is not greener on the other side. You and your spouse will go through good times as well as bad. However, if you truly love each other on that wedding day, work as a team then you will enjoy the journey together; good and bad. I can attest that the bad times have only made our marriage better. We have never had marital problems but when I speak of bad times for us then it is about other things in life, not our marriage.
I fear that our society has lost the true values and beliefs of the past and you can clearly see what we are reaping from that misdirection.
Great post! I enjoyed it!
posted by
RedStatesMan
on May 23, 2010 at 12:25 PM
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Bill, A+ Beautiful sentiment.
posted by
dsm_tchr
on May 23, 2010 at 11:15 AM
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Re: lustorlove, im thinking of changing my name to enfatuationOrnarcissism!
posted by
dsm_tchr
on May 23, 2010 at 11:14 AM
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Re: Kabu, i hope i can find someone like you did! thanks!
posted by
dsm_tchr
on May 23, 2010 at 11:12 AM
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Re: love sucks ~ Cricket, this got me thinking! lol!
posted by
dsm_tchr
on May 23, 2010 at 11:10 AM
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Meet the beauty that lies within
J lol. BC-A, Bill’s RJLst
posted by
BC-A
on May 23, 2010 at 9:44 AM
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I came tobelieve that true love was not forme...I just didn't have the
depth to feel for a man the way I felt for my children even my pet.
Then I met Wiley and have discovered the absolute joy and pain of real love between a man and a woman...the sort that is better more beautiful today than it was yesterday.
posted by
Kabu
on May 23, 2010 at 9:42 AM
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love sucks ... lol
posted by
hazel_st_cricket
on May 23, 2010 at 9:24 AM
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my name states it for me, so many are confused with lust and love. Desperation makes you feel you are in love, and some take anything at all rather than be alone. I know I have been there many times, but now I hope in my maturity I have learned the difference. Desperation is not love its desperation.
posted by
Lanetay
on May 23, 2010 at 8:43 AM
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