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Problem with 'No'
Out of curiosity, my mother-in-law asked a psychologist about this (a while back).. and the psychologist explained to her that human's brain reacts mainly to the operative word, which is the 'verb' .. not the word before it (the 'No' or the 'Don't'). The 'No' or 'Don't' somehow confuses the brain. That is why we often see children do exactly what we tell them not to do. Our phrase increases their curiosity instead of making them stop.
The second reason is that, a child know what 'No' means, but they don't know what they have to do instead of the thing/activity they are forbidden to do. Children will stop what they are doing when something else is more interesting to them that the thing they are doing.
The psychologist suggested to do it a different way with children.. rather than saying 'No' or 'Don't'.. just tell them what we want them to do.. for example, instead of saying "Don't go near the pool!" we can say, "Stay where you are! I'll come and get you." or say something that will trigger the child's interest, like, "Come here, sweetie. Mum has something for you."
Don't get me wrong.. By instinct we always say 'No' whenever we see a child do anything unfavorable or dangerous. I'm just the same. But, in the occasions when I'm calm enough to hold my instant reaction, I always try to think of an alternative phrase to children, and so far it did work (unless I can't find anything more interesting that what my child is doing, then I have to just take him away myself while thinking of something)..
Think of it as shifting a child's curiosity, rather than trying to stop one. Hope this helps..
on August 10, 2010 at 1:00 AM
this is my second go around my oldest is 22 --I started over at 39
on March 5, 2010 at 7:07 AM
They love to test! I think I said no forever as well! The main thing is that you are aware that she is going to whomever will say yes! Look at this way, only 15 more years of no, no, no! lol sam
on March 4, 2010 at 4:29 PM
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