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Re: It helps when people remember anniversaries
You are right Azur.  I don't know why I just don't seem to be able to do that.  Maybe I should work on that "why" so that I will be better prepared next year.

posted by spsos on February 24, 2010 at 10:21 AM | link to this | reply

It helps when people remember anniversaries
but if they don't and I need support on such days, I just say, it's the anniversary of X's death and I've been thinking of them today, and then I receive that support

posted by Azur on February 24, 2010 at 5:44 AM | link to this | reply

Re: Anniversary
Thank you for your support.  I have felt very much that same way as well.  I surely have been low enough, and just wanted it all to end, but did not, could not go through with it.  You are right, what makes one person do it and not another?  I know why I haven't done anything, it is for my kids.  They already lost their father to suicide, I would never make them suffer through losing their mother to the same.  I would love to figure out how to brush myself off and live :-)  I am making a few strides towards that now, wish me luck!

posted by spsos on February 21, 2010 at 8:49 AM | link to this | reply

Re:
Thank you sam.  I know in my head that is true, but in my heart, I will always have doubts.

posted by spsos on February 21, 2010 at 8:41 AM | link to this | reply

I believe that it wasn't your fault
But I can see why you would feel the guilt, and I think anyone might feel the same in your shoes.

It can seem like we are being cold when we allow ourselves to enjoy ourselves while others are hurting. Still, you were not responsible for his happiness. Everyone is responsible for their own.

posted by Afzal_Sunny7 on February 20, 2010 at 9:30 PM | link to this | reply

Anniversary
I know what it's like to lose someone by suicide. I had a friend who did it, someone that I had a lot of respect for. She had dropped some hints that I didn't catch till it was done.   I understood how low she had to feel to do it, because I had felt that low in the past, but was a coward.   What makes one person do it, and another not? Bravery? Cowardice? Bravery for doing it, or for NOT doing it? Cowardice for doing it, or not?   There are some things we CAN'T CONTROL, and this is one of them. If you had gone back under those circumstances, he would have been controlling you from then on. He could have sought counseling, but he wanted to control you, and it would have been forever there as a threat. Just wouldn't work.   Brush yourself off and live, my friend. You have punished yourself for SIX YEARS!!! The sun is shining out there. Soak it up. Live, because you have suffered as much or more than he did, and you chose to live!

posted by jamsut on February 17, 2010 at 5:01 PM | link to this | reply

We, alone, are responsible for our actions! Feeling guilty will not solve anything! Forgive yourself and be free of the guilt! sam

posted by sam444 on February 17, 2010 at 1:50 PM | link to this | reply

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