Go to Songs of Mermaid (Poetry)
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Such pain and sorrow expressed here mermaid
posted by
calia14
on
July 1, 2009
at
7:24 PM
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Purple Mermaid
Aah you need life without detail. We need your beautiful words, love. BCA, BillJRoost
posted by
BC-A
on
June 30, 2009
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8:07 AM
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"by the power of faith." Powerful conclusion! Alive!
posted by
merkie
on
June 29, 2009
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11:03 PM
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Just a few suggested revisions to help the poem "flow"
having to do with the consistent use of articles:
Line 4: "breathe the freshness"
Line 5: "of a darkened room"
having to do with emphasizing a pattern, namely couplets of "will i..." and setting of that question:
Combine lines 1 & 2.
Stanza breaks after lines 3, 5, 7 & 9.
Line 6 recast to indicate the role of the first person, e.g. "Will the burdens of my heart be seen". This revision also has four feet like in lines 1/2 & 4.
Something similar for line 8 where the place of "i" is clearer, i.e. showing who is the warmer and who the warmee, and moving the "fearful moon" to the second line of that couplet.
/end{my editing suggestions}
Good to see you back in the swing of things, dear mermaid!
posted by
cpklapper
on
June 29, 2009
at
7:53 PM
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Profound and spiritual ....
posted by
afzal50
on
June 29, 2009
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5:52 PM
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Well done, J!
posted by
_teddypoet_
on
June 29, 2009
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12:52 PM
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Just dropping by
Mermaid,
It is always a pleasure to know that you have "dropped by" and posted something. I am but one among many who miss you when you are absent for awhile. We all hope that you are doing well, and will be gracing the pages of blogit, more often. I don't think of this poem as being particularly sad, but as the triumph of a tenacious spirt that cannot be defeated because this spirit will not stop fighting. Those who won't be defeated, CAN'T be defeated!
Guy
posted by
northsage_45
on
June 29, 2009
at
11:49 AM
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wow that was a strong one, glad to see you again, hope you are doing better
posted by
lustorlove
on
June 29, 2009
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7:44 AM
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So nice to see you here my dear Jen
Stronger and stronger; better and better; faith conquers my friend; stay well; many blessings and thanks
posted by
mariaki
on
June 29, 2009
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5:44 AM
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Glad to hear from you again Mermaid. Look after yourself. I do hope you'll drop by again soon.
posted by
elinjo
on
June 28, 2009
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10:31 PM
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Beautifully sad as always my sweet mermaid... How are you??? I have missed you... I hope you are well and happy and this sad poem is just a reflection from your poetic soul. Take care of you. xoxoxo
posted by
Sinome
on
June 28, 2009
at
8:01 PM
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what a sad poem dear ..are you ok ..the mermaid and the sailor
..each time i remember you when some one read this poem which puplished
here on page 2 ,,hoping to hear good news about you ,,,
http://www.poemhunter.com/tamara-jay-hanaring-2/
posted by
drohan254
on
June 28, 2009
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5:04 PM
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true repentance and faith in Christ covers and carries through all....
posted by
mariss9
on
June 27, 2009
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12:12 PM
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Well written
but kind of depressing
posted by
jollyjeff
on
June 27, 2009
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11:03 AM
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posted by
__Purple_Mermaid11__
on
June 28, 2009
at
6:40 PM
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