Comments on Step children

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You confirm to me that Blogit is a healthy venting space

posted by Straightforward on April 7, 2009 at 10:43 AM | link to this | reply

Re: YoursMine&Ours
   Thank you yellowrose55, I'm hoping that writing will provide me with the strength I need for my marriage's sake.  I have plenty to share and this is my new outlet.  Thanks again.

posted by Niobi on April 7, 2009 at 8:02 AM | link to this | reply

Re: Step-family

     Sinome, I appreciate your comment  and I have tried several techniques through the years.  We as a couple have sent her to college where she completely jacked everything up with guidance, not listening to us. I try wholeheartedly to remember she is a nineteen year old immature girl, but once she crossed that adult line it was time for her to go.  She has done so many sneaky things to this family I wouldn't have time to explain them all.  We have invested money in her college education and she wasted it all, she is now responsible for the balanced owed on her tuition and she has a time frame to pay it up so she can return to school.  She was kicked off campus and ended up living with a cousin and her boyfriend but told us she was living in her cousins apt. only no males involved.  Yet we were not made aware of it until two weeks after the move out, once she was fired from her job.  I'm sorry for this abundance of info but I have no one else to tell.  She completely annoys me.  I know therapists always say there is something deeper within children, well her deepest issue is not having the love she desires from her own mother.  There is absolutely nothing I can do about that, but in a weird way I know she blames me.  I don't even care, I don't even love her, I truly dislike her and for years I have hid it.  My husband is aware as well, he knows about her true passion for her mother's love but he can't stand the child's mother either.  I had an altercation with the mother and he has won custody ever since the children were young.  She is old enough to live with her mother but she chooses not to. I have offered to buy the ticket as well.

   She performs so well, she should be an actress on stage.  She meets people and provide that good old southern charm and deep within she is the devil in disguise.  I believe she has split personality but my husband doesn't believe it to be that bad.   My family is all aware and I have forewarned everyone I know.   My friends have seen it as well.  I struggle with issues such as to divorce and move on or stick it out with the man that I know is my true soulmate.  He constantly says he just wants her around to help her.  Hell with that, If you know what I mean, I'm tired.

posted by Niobi on April 7, 2009 at 7:56 AM | link to this | reply

I agree with Yellow Rose... Venting is a first step because hiding your feelings only leads to blow outs like you mentioned.  Its not an easy situation and by all means you are not alone.  Step children are not always angels or gifts from heaven and more often than not they blame us for the brake off of their parents. But they are kids after all :-)   My heart goes out to you... all I can say is try to remember that you are the adult in the situation.  Do not let yourself be taunted or pushed into loosing control of the situation because then in her view she wins and you both lose ... The more you keep your composure the more she will understand that you are in charge.  I know its not easy because you are not a saint ,  but love her if you can.  She will feel it even if she does not want to and sooner or later respond to it.  Even if she doesn't you will feel better .  She is probably a teenager by now... Enlist your husband into your efforts and make sure he does not take your side in disagreements even if you are right.  insecurity about his love might have a lot to do with her attitude.   Try therapy, it can be helpful in these cases and family centers offer it for free.  You can choose to go through your church or through your city.  Also she is growing up.  Does she like school?  if she does encourage her to go to a cool college  because that would be a great solution to both of you. I am sorry you are going through this ... you can e-mail me any time for a friendly ear :-)  Welcome to our little community and good luck!

posted by Sinome on April 7, 2009 at 4:43 AM | link to this | reply

I did not experience anything like but I am certain you are not alone! Others have shared similar stories on Blogit! And welcome to Blogit! sam

posted by sam444 on April 6, 2009 at 10:04 PM | link to this | reply

Your venting and that's a start. Welcome to blogit......

posted by yellowrose55 on April 6, 2009 at 8:47 PM | link to this | reply

posted by Star5_ on April 6, 2009 at 8:28 PM | link to this | reply